#i still have a hard time believing that we went through anything more than neglect tho 😭😭😭 so its fucking hard to fill in those gaps

[boyswillbedogz]

every once in a while im like "what if my DID is just a typical disassociative disorder and my delusions are acting up because im not traumatized enough to have DID :(" and then i realize that i literally cant remember anything beyond the age of 8 and have a personality disorder associated with childhood emotional neglect

[bluedilute]

So, the Venture community has been going crazy since the season 12 trailer, and pretty rightfully so. I've been very vocal about how upset I've been with all of this, but I'm trying to still remain positive (which is pretty hard to do in general because of all the negativity in the world) and I want what's best for everyone

With that, I wanted to talk about why I think Venture is gonna be okay and will be getting a lot more content than they have now in the future.

I have a LOT of thoughts about the topic (this post has like 20 paragraphs), so if you have the patience, please read below the cut!

Starting with the most important point,

Advocacy

There has been a lot of talk about Ventures' lack of content as of recent, especially on Twitter. We're all very loud about our love for Venture. We literally put them on a billboard in times square– twice– to show how much we love them.

All this talk and everyone asking for more content for Venture got to the point where Aaron Keller himself made a post addressing the buzz, saying they have a "really exciting skin" for season 14.

Obviously that's pretty far away, and everyone is really upset about having to wait that long for one skin, but it's at least something, and it's better than not knowing when they're getting their next skin.

As well as that, it takes about 4-6 months to make a skin, so at least they're getting to it fast(ish)

Advocating for our respective hero(es) can go a long way, and that's been shown recently. If we keep at it and be loud, we can get more of what we deserve.

It's of course unfair that they're only getting a skin then, and they should have had some already made. But there's an explanation for this,

Ventures' release & layoffs

Venture was created/released during the time when the layoffs were effecting the team the most, and they're currently still recovering from it. The team doesn't have the final say on what goes into the game, and the higher ups have made increasingly more cash-grab decisions since their release.

I also think the decision to have them release with barely anything was because they were deemed as 'controversial', being trans and non-binary, and they had to focus on heroes they knew would make more money. Despite that, I don't think it is directly rooted in transphobia within blizzard. If it was, and word got out, i'm sure they would be fired fast (blizzard has had to fire a lot of awful people through the years).

Overall, Venture got very unlucky with their release, and therefore got nothing when s10 went live. As of now, things seem to be getting better, and the team is trying their best to make better things for everyone, which brings me to my next point:

Other neglected heroes

It's no question that a lot of heroes have been swept aside as of recent, namely Illari, Ramattra, Lifeweaver, and Baptiste. Kiriko has also gotten a lot of skins, and everyone is sick of it.

But, in the last two seasons, these heroes have gotten more content. Such as Weaver getting a lifeguard skin, Illari and Ramattra getting new skins in the transformers collab, and the s12 battle pass with Illaris' thoth skin, Ramattras Poseidon recolor (it's at least something) and Baptiste getting a mummy skin in the battle pass. (I want to note that Bap getting a mummy skin doesn't mean Venture can't get one too!)

All of these heroes, and I think a couple more (Lúcio being one) getting more content leads me to believe that Venture will also be getting more stuff in the future. But about what's out now:

All-time cosmetics

This is where I get into stuff that might be a bit of a stretch. There isn't too much to say here either, but just hear me out for a second.

Firstly, Venture has gotten new interactions all 3 seasons they've been in the game, even in s12, while Valeria Rodriguez (their voice actor) has been on strike, which he is very vocal about participating in. They've also gotten a voice line in the battle bass every season, and this season they have 2 new sprays to come out soon (I think it's 2, might just be 1)

Second, the rework for their default victory pose. It's a small change, but actually looks a lot better than the old pose. Their stance looks more relaxed, yet confident. The old one just looks stiff and awkward. It looks like more care was put into the new pose, plus I don’t think they rework victory poses that often, especially the defaults.

As mentioned, they were developed when the layoffs happened, so they were probably rushed out a bit too. Hence the stiff pose.

They're not fully being forgotten about, and they get at least a little more stuff every season since their debut. With that I expect the number to go up more every time.

Junos' cinematic

Now I know it's really frustrating that Juno got a cinematic while Venture hasn't even gotten a real origin story, but I think this is actually a good thing!

There hasn't been a proper cinematic for overwatch in a while from what I know, and one being made could be a light in a dark tunnel. This is the game breathing again, and it could mean a brighter future for Venture, and other new/neglected heroes.

Conclusion

Overall, Venture has had a rough start with their debut, and with a lack of content for them, it makes people feel like they were just made for LGBTQ brownie points to be swept under the rug for the next Kiriko skin (which is unfortunately probably true in some way). But their fans and mains are very vocal, and with people who main other heroes, even 'popular' ones, speaking out about how unfair it is to us, it seems to be serving us well.

I implore you to keep your voices heard, and advocate for a better game, and better treatment of your heroes. And we can help (at least start) to make overwatch a better game

As a treat, here's some Venture pics I've gathered the last few months

Bonus section if you wanna read it

If not, have a great day or night!

Final thoughts

I genuinely wish I didn't care about this game as much as I do, I feel like a sweaty looser defending it all for one character.

I've seen games, great games, time and time again become cash-grabs and drags as the people who make them become blinded by stardom. This happened with FNAF, fall guys, Hello neighbor (that game has always sucked, but the stardom blindness is there) and so many others. Weirdly enough I've had dreams about games completely changing, all in one patch. Seeing it happen in real time is disheartening.

Overwatch is a pretty special game. It has great lore, amazing art direction, and one of the most diverse casts I've ever seen, especially for a AAA game.

I only kinda played after being recommended the game by a friend, and i never really clicked with any of the characters I tried (I just stuck with Cassidy cause he's a cowboy and I thought it was funny)

Venture is the first character I played and immediately clicked with, and they're incredibly relatable to me on top of that. They're a huge nerd who's extremely passionate about their craft, they're goofy and optimistic, and being trans myself, learning they were trans too made me feel seen.

Them being treated like this while also being the only trans hero feels really disrespectful, and blizzard shouldn't get away with that. As of now, I'm glad we're all very vocal about it not being fair to any of us.

I'm an aspiring game designer, and I have a dream to make my own game one day. This whole situation has inspired me to get my shit together so I can go to college and get my game design degree. I hope to be able to save games like this, and give them a better chance. It's a big dream, but I believe I can do it with help from the right people

I genuinely want what's best for the world of overwatch, and especially all the characters who've been neglected over the years. There are always gonna be people who are fans of every hero they make for the game, and if they keep making more, they should know at this point to make content for that character. Playing favorites does nothing but harm the game, and most often makes the mains of the favored heroes arrogant and self-important (at least in my experience, specifically with kiriko mains)

Anyways, with all my thoughts out there for the internet to see, thank you for reading this really long rant! It took me a long time to write this, lol. I'm very passionate about game design, and Venture has definitely fueled that fire. Have a great day or night!

[thespianinthebackcorner]

I'm pretty sure Squid Sisters were already pretty popular back in the Splatoon 1-Splatoon 2 days. After all, their relationship, agent lives and family drama was the main focus of the plot (among saving the squid society). And even nowadays, people still love them. They're THE Splatoon icons. Have you forgotten how people went crazy over the Reporter Callie outfit? There were fanarts everywhere!

Off The Hook are also really interesting - they played a huge part in Octo Expansion (you know, the DLC with the biggest, darkest, most liked lore and aesthetic?) and in Side Order, we also know their backstories (especially Marina's backstory is pure fanfic material, people love the angsty deserter trope + she was a breath of fresh air and a mystery as a first important non-enemy octoling character ever). Not to mention that they're literal canon lesbians with healthy and interesting dynamics.

What do we know about Deep Cut?? They've got nothing going on. They were villains in the Splatoon 3 storymode but mind you, not even the main villains. They grew up together, they come from some prestigious families that aren't mentioned ANYWHERE outside of the Sunken Scrolls, we know nothing about them. They don't have backstories, they don't have interesting dynamics (they're just 3 random people and their bond isn't even shown to be that strong, of course people prefer the SS family drama or OTH lesbian romance). Deep Cut is boring, of course people don't care about them, don't blame us, blame Nintendo for neglecting them.

Also, stop acting like you're better than others because you don't care about the icky romance and give deserved equal attention to every poor idol that gets overshadowed by the lesbians. People DO care about other Splatoon characters. There are fanarts of the Agents (Agent 24 is problably the second most popular ship right after Pearlina), non-idol Splatbands, even Craig Cuttlefish and Octavio! Maybe you'll see all this content if you stop exclusively browsing only the pearlina tag. Also accept that Deep Cut is boring.

ooh, another one.

Okay, I don't have all the time to type up an entire essay (tbh I lowkey admire the effort of writing four paragraphs just to bitch on me for having an opinion), so I'm gonna summarise my result.

I don't follow the pearlina tags. The only Splatoon tags I follow are Splatoon and the promo kids tag. Used to follow more but I have my reasons for unfollowing the other ones. (They were mostly agent ships, for clarity.)

I know other people care about the others. I'm just saying that when stuff like this rolls around it's never seen because everyone talking about pearlina gets top spots on this site and no one gives attention to anything else, so everything else is hard to see. This is mostly a recent development with grandfest, but even so Pearlina overshadows a LOT. For me, the Callie suit was actually a rare case of the community not focusing on them.

i know the Squid Sisters were popular in their first games. That's the point. Y'all are sitting out here talking about the old idols and ignoring the ones we're supposed to be paying attention to.

So what if the deep cut members don't have much lore to their names? I'm in the promo kid fandom! They have literally only their names and people don't have a problem coming up with headcanons and engaging stories for them. Just be creative. That's what fandom is for.

Believe it or not, I know Pearl and Marina featured in side order and octo expansion. I know they have a healthy dynamic. Surprise surprise, I've played the games too. I have both DLCs and have completed both. I know. That's not my point.

i also know that there are poeople out there caring about other characters. Like I said, I'm in the promo kid fandom. It's just that whenever pearl and marina appear on screen, any trace of that is immediately overshadowed and made ten times harder to find. And I rarely have the time to go hunting through tags.

I'm not trying to act like I'm better. I'm not guilty of pearlina posting, but I'm not much better either. I'm just stating how I feel and how i see things. If you've got a problem with that, great, but don't insult me for my feelings. It's your choice how you react to things. If you've got nothing nice to say, don't say it.

[homunculusalphonse]

Ever wonder how much the fandom rooted for Princess Carolyn to find her well deserved happiness and how she was too good for Bojack? It’s pretty much contrasts with how the fandom treats Diane and how angry they are with how she didn’t appreciate Mr. PB even though it’s been spelled out clearly on the show that he wasn’t an attentive husband. Then again I don’t see anyone in the fandom ever trying to tear down Princess Carolyn.

Yeah, I've seen folks sometimes ignoring Princess Carolyn as a character, but I rarely see anyone outright HATING her, because like you said, we all agree that she deserves better than BoJack, her mother, and every other bad thing she went through.

I think there are a few things people don't understand about Diane. One is her trauma, which isn't like BoJack's or Princess Carolyn's. I think Diane's trauma had a more emotional impact on her, as in her family never listens to her and they often treat her like she's being almighty and preachy ("Oh, Princess Diane making everything about herself again"). That, and the "Cryane" videos, where her brothers film her crying when she found out her pen pal wasn't real. They're more emotionally neglectful and what we know as bullies, hence why people don't take the damage seriously. Even Diane probably thought that her trauma was "not as bad" as others, especially as she couldn't give examples or proof that her childhood was bad (and the brain often blocks memories to protect ourselves).

And even a non-abusive and well-meaning partner like Mr. Peanutbutter didn't respect or understand what Diane wanted. Despite her telling him over and over again that she doesn't like big gestures, Mr. Peanutbutter continued to do so. Maybe in his head it makes sense after his failed marriages, but that doesn't erase the fact he didn't listen to Diane, besides him projecting his exes onto her. Mr. Peanutbutter often gave her superficial acts of love, hence the recreation of Belle's room. He didn't bother getting real books, for that matter. Maybe it wasn't a public gesture like the previous times, but he still tainted Diane's comfort fantasy. And once again, he reinforces, even if unintentionally, that Diane's vulnerability will turn against her or humiliate her.

Finally, I think it's unfair for the fandom to compare Mr. Peanutbutter and Diane to PC and BoJack, because BoJack was an actual asshole to PC, who went through hell and back for him even when they weren't dating anymore. Mr. Peanutbutter and Diane were more incompatible than anything, and people overlook Diane's trauma because they see BoJack's, PC's or Beatrice's, and they just believe she's whining. But as someone who has a similar trauma experience to Diane's, it's still painful and lonely. And it's hard when you don't have any physical proof of the bad things that happened to you.

[circular-bircular]

“Saying DID is trauma based will make DID systems dig for trauma.”

At 19 years old, I remembered my system. We heard about DID in school, and we realized, “oh my god. That’s us.”

We panicked. Our brain tried to latch onto anything and everything to make us feel safe — and the only way for us to be safe, based on my life experiences, was if I didn’t have DID. DID was bad. It was a mental disorder, it was dangerous, I was dangerous if I had it.

I started looking into it, and I found the All Inclusive Communities, the radinclus, the pro-endos who supported every identity. And they told me “🥰 Oh, don’t be scared. It’s not scary. You don’t need trauma to have DID.”

I was so relieved. I leaned into my systemhood, because I was so happy to know it would be okay. I wasn’t dangerous, I didn’t have trauma like those other dangerous people.

Every weekend, I hid my systemhood from my abusive parents as they caused me to dissociate and split further and further, while I thought all was okay. I crashed my car while purposefully dissociating to handle the stress of going to these people while sleep deprived. I allowed myself to be screamed at, to have things thrown at me, to be horrifically emotionally neglected as I always had been, even while the Endogenic systems around me said the same thing anti-endos did: “Your mom yelling at you isn’t traumatic.”

The people around me fought hard to get me to leave. They fought so incredibly hard for me to realize I was in active danger, and I was hurting, and they were traumatizing me. I’m grateful for them, and for the parts of my system who fought back against those of us who denied it all.

This year, at age 26, I finally managed to cut off my parents. And to this day, I still have to convince myself that it is trauma that I went through.

In an alternate universe somewhere, I find a CDD community first. I ask about the possibility of me having this rare disorder. They tell me what I’ve seen said in every CDD-exclusive server I’ve joined that believes trauma is the only cause of DID.

“DID is a childhood-trauma based disorder. It also comes along with amnesia, though, so it’s possible you don’t remember the trauma you went through — or you could be downplaying what you experience, because that’s what feels safe. Our advice is to not go digging, because that’s more dangerous for you right now.”

In that alternate universe, I become knowledgeable about trauma and trauma responses before I’m 22, living with my abusers 24/7. I understand by the time that I graduate that my parents are abusive. I don’t tell my partner, “no, not yet, I can’t move in yet, I need money and I can handle my parents for a year or two, it’s not that bad.”

In that alternate universe, I don’t need to thank the fact that I got Covid, because it meant I needed to move out months earlier than expected, “to keep my family safe.”

I wish I lived there, sometimes. But at least I’m able to share my experiences here.

[anvoo]

Little reminders for An

As I thought, I was super sad this morning.

It's hard to describe the feeling, but I know that there's at least one other person that's going through the same thing. People say feelings emotions and thoughts make you human and alive; part of me agrees, takes it in, and cherishes it, but another part of me wishes that other part would just go jump off a bridge, along with all its precious "feelings, emotions, thoughts, and insecurities".

It felt like a loss, not being able to talk to Cat right now. My mind kept going in circles, cycling from memory to memory, conversation to conversation,... I reached out for my phone and browsed TikTok for the longest time since weeks, months even.

What used to be my go-to method to pass hours upon hours before, now I could barely scroll for more than 30 minutes without having my mind invaded by thoughts or something else; either I'm getting old, or something's changed how I feel- and go about it.

Eventually, I pulled myself up, got dressed, albeit slowly, and hauled my ass outta the house.

"It'll maybe be nice to go outside and get some fresh air and sunlight. It's ok if you don't think it'll help, or it's annoying or whatever; 5 minutes, and if you really think it's a waste of time, you can go back", I told myself.

And hey, both not to, and to my surprise, it helped. Taking in nature, no music or distracting phone-stuff, being in the moment, brings a certain sense of peace and calm. I managed to re-read what I wrote yesterday, let it process, sink in, and made some peace with it.

Self-love and care aren't self-indulgence, but it's rejecting self-neglect, and doing what you believe is right and good. It's accepting and trusting yourself and the process, that what you believe will lead to a better future is true, and continually guiding yourself towards that end.

"It pains me to see you sad. It hurts me when you spend all your days inside, wasting your time away on mindless distractions. I want you to go outside in the sun right now because I love you and care about you, and because I want the best for you." The things I say to those who I care about, I'll practice saying it more to myself.

"I love you too much to let you drown in your sorrows", so I went out to the park, and basked in the sun today. "I love you too much to let you feel bad in your own skin", so I went to the gym, for the first time since forever. "I love you too much to let you suffer, and worry about your academics and future", so I'm making plans and focusing on that. "I love you so much, that it hurts me deeply to see you sad", I still cry during the moments when I could tell myself, and have me listen that I don't need to be strong enough to do everything, or that I'm good enough, or that I care about me to not want to see me sad.

Taking a step back, I think it will be ok, and it's not as bad as my mind makes it out to be sometimes. I love being dramatic, tragic romances, ups and downs, and grand stories and giant loops and turns, so much so that I even subject myself to thoughts and feelings, just to entertain that little side of me.

It's not a loss, that me and Cat are choosing to give each other and ourselves some time apart. She's still just a text message, a phone call, or roughly 7 hours by train away. We're doing what we believe is best in the long run and also short run for us, for me, and for her. For us both to be always anxious, and empty, with only each other's company as the cure, is just not very nice, and that's not love.

Yeah, you're right. I'm not doing this just because I think it might be good for me in the future, but also because of the not-so-great effects it has on me right now.

Sitting there, feeling super anxious, just waiting, distracting myself. Wrestling with my own thoughts, mind, and feelings, the mental energy I needed for that left me exhausted and demotivated to do anything else. Still, I think to myself, "If I could get my things in check, and "just" be better, and "just" change my mindset, I could handle everything, and stay in contact." But that's not realistic, and that's not a kind thing to think and expect from myself. I'm not perfect, and I shouldn't expect myself to be. The unhealthy thoughts and habits I have, are mainly products of many of my insecurities and struggles, and they're not going anywhere unless I tackle the roots of them. Sitting around and coping, spending all my time and energy to deal with the symptoms, is no way to live, and no way would it last.

Nothing would change if I just keep that way, forcing and expecting me to pretty much be a different person, while constantly mentally exhausting myself. I'll be the same anxious, miserable guy, barely holding onto some outside validation, telling himself that it'll get better.

I want to be happier, and that requires changes!

I made a promise to myself before, to try my best and prove to me and others that I can do the things I set my mind on, and I will keep it. I'm in control, and my choices, from insignificant to significant, shape and determine my days and life. I want to realize my potential, to tackle my struggles at their roots and take control of my mind and mental, to be happier.

Part of me wants Cat to be dependent on me; part of me feels validated that she feels sad and empty without me, and that I am akin to a drug to her. But on the other hand, that part is also emotionally dependent on her; that part sees her as the cure, the solution to all my struggles and problems (which are completely unrelated, and logically I know well where they lie, and how to start working on them); that part craves for validation itself, and its insatiable hunger for that just grows and grows. I accept that it is a part of me, and I will not beat myself up over it, but I do know that it is a part of me that I do not want to, and will not keep feeding. I care about Cat, so I want her to be happy. I want her to be able to enjoy her life and handle things ok, and not have to be exhausted, empty, or sad. I'm doing this and suffering a little in this way right now (instead of suffering a lot in another way haha) not just for me, but for her too. It's anxiety for me, and it's the emptiness without for her. Our really heartbreaking talk last night really showed me how much I was struggling, and how much she's struggling too. I want our relationship and connection, now and in the future, to not be tainted and made so difficult and sad by our own struggles and insecurities. I don't want this to be the case, both for me and for her. I wouldn't want her to miss out on having the great "Me" in her life haha. I want also my future relationships, both platonic and romantic, to not be so dictated and affected by my own inner struggles and insecurities. I want to be happier, stronger, and more in control so that I could be around, and have a positive impact on the lives of those important to me.

Yep. It's not just for you right now and a little bit for Cat, but also for your future girlfriend/wife! You'll bring great things to her life, and think of all the stories you'll have to tell. Goldmine, I'm telling you.

Haha, yeah you're right xD It's for my future girlfriend/wife also. Here's to me, for choosing self-love, for choosing my happiness and future. We're doing this so that we have the focus, the distance, and the time we need to settle in with our lives, to add colors to them, for us both to gain a sense of self and learn to navigate through tough times so that me and her both could come out stronger and happier than before. I want to be able to pull focus on myself, and my future. I was stuck running away from my problems, finding refuge and comfort in other things and other people; not anymore. I care about myself too much to keep doing that. All of my decisions, and all that I'm doing, is for me, and I'm proud of myself. I love myself too much to have it any other way.

[selfboredom]

MOTHERS MISTAKES

CHAPTER THREE :⠀ANOTHER BEGINNING

PREVIOUS CHAPTER

summary :⠀When Arven went to Lab Zero, he expected to be tearing his mother apart for everything she put him through. For abandoning him. Only to find yet another that was left behind in the wake of her mistakes. But some small part of him held out hope. Hope that together they could fix things, and not let anything else be ruined by her.

ao3 link :⠀link

content warnings :⠀parental neglect

fandom :⠀pokemon⠀( scarlet version )

word count :⠀3110

        The trio sat around the room, silently staring at Arven and Sada. Listening closely as they finished their recounting of the past hours' events. None of them could think of anything to say, just in pure shock. Nemona finally broke the silence that had settled over the lab,

        “Dear Arceus… I can’t believe you two had to go through all that…” She whispered.

        “Well, it does seem in character. At least from what Arvens told me about his actual mom.” Florien said with a small shrug.

        “This is absolutely unbelievable. How did the professor manage to program a truly sentient AI? If this could be replicated…” Penny murmured, closely examining Sada.

        “I was programmed with the professor's memory and personality. That’s why I seem more lifelike than an average AI. Replicating me without a human as a basis would be near impossible.” Sada said, enjoying the younger students’ fascination with her creation.

        “Interesting. But you also mentioned you’re the ‘vessel’ for the time machine security system. How did Arven shut it down without… Uh…Getting rid of you?” Penny asked, finally backing off from the professor.

        “Well, that’s what we need some help with. She’s linked heavily with this lab, but if we can rewri-” Arven began, getting cut off abruptly by Penny-

        “That’s impossible.” She said flatly, not bothering to let him even finish the word.

        “Yeah, even with Penny that would be an impossible task,” Nemona said, looking sympathetically towards Arven.

        “It’s not entirely hopeless. The professor wasn’t the only one developing me. My programming should be documented thoroughly. You would have to dig around for it though.” AI Sada explained, placing a gentle hand on Arvens shoulder.

        “Still… It would take a lot of work.” Penny said, remaining unconvinced.

        “Look, if I could do this myself I would. There’s no other way. And I refuse to leave her behind without trying.” Arven replied, his voice cracking ever so slightly. The trio shared a concerned glance before Penny let out an exasperated sigh.

        “Fine. But you’re taking care of the body yourself, Arven. And helping me find that documentation.” She said, freezing up as she was suddenly captured in a hug. Arven couldn’t stop blurting out ‘thank you’ as he tightly squeezed the other teen. After a few seconds, he let go, regaining his typical standoffish composure.

        “Anyway… We can’t exactly move in here, so we need to get a copy of the code to take out of the lab. Uh, how big would that be?” Arven asked, turning to face the AI.

        “I hope you can afford a lot of hard drives.” She said bluntly.

      Arvens knees buckled as he struggled to lug the final boxes of SSDs into the lighthouse laboratory. He carefully placed them with the others. He collapsed onto the floor immediately after.

        “You know when she said the size was in petabytes… I did not imagine it would be this many terabytes.” He groaned, gasping to get oxygen back into his system while Penny stepped over him.

        “Well at least we know how many SSDs a Mudsdale weighs now.” She said, plonking herself down in the creaky office chair in front of Sada’s computer.

        “You were more than welcome to help, Penny.” He mumbled into the floor.

        “I’m already dealing with the programming for you.” She said, waving her hand dismissively as she logged into the massive desktop.

        “Now. Where’s this documentation she was talking about? It wasn’t in the Zero Lab or the research stations, so this is the only place left.” She said, talking to herself as she began sifting through the heinously messy hard drive. 

Years-old note files, random photos and downloads. It was a miracle the computer even ran with the amount of junk clogging it. Even now it took minutes at a time to load a single folder.

        “Arceus knows. She left the place a complete mess when she went down to Area Zero permanently. It should be on this first floor though-” Arven said, properly sitting up from the floor.

        “Arven, how do you think the documentation was stored?” Penny asked, cutting him off and slowly turning around to look at him.

        “I mean, she kept almost everything handwritten…” He mumbled, fidgeting slightly in place. Suddenly hyperaware of how long the cable for the computer mouse was.

        “Arven. Please for the love of Arceus. Tell me you don’t actually think the professor wrote down the documentation for a sentient AI in a PHYSICAL. NOTEBOOK.” She said, raising her voice slightly in the end. Something that Arven did not think the programmer was capable of.

        “So anyway, I’ll get to building the SSD rack.” He said, scrambling upstairs, Penny following closely behind yelling at him.

        “WE ARE NOT JUST DROPPING THIS SUBJECT SANDWICH BOY-”

        Arven slotted the final SSD into the rack. He plugged in the cables finally connecting AI Sada’s programming to the computer. Penny sat at the desk reading through the documentation that she had finally found. Though it was almost as messy as the hard drive itself, it at least made the code decipherable.

        “The SSDs are all up and running. You can edit her programming now.” He announced, walking over to the wall of monitors.

        “I just found the section about the security protocols. They don’t seem to be baked into her core functionality. So they should be removable while keeping her working. It's going to take a while though. I need to be a lot more cautious than with the league” Penny said, not looking up from the screen.

        “Thank you again, for this Penny. I can’t say it enough.” He said quietly, hugging his sleeves.

        “It’s fine. I might not like my dad constantly being around… But I can see why you want to salvage Sada.” She said, giving Arven a sympathetic glance.

        “I’m gonna go get the robot from the Zero Lab. I’ll be back soon, alright?” He said, walking out the door to meet with Florian and head back down to the crater.

        Arven sat on the floor with the robot. silently chipping off the tera crystals that had formed around her. It was tedious work. The tera crystals embedded themselves into her. It was impossible to scrape off completely. Though it was only a millimetres thin layer of crystal left after being scraped.

        “I’m going to fix this. I promise… I’ll fix her mistakes.” He whispered, knowing that she was unable to hear him. He diligently continued scraping her exterior nonetheless.

Over the next week, Arven managed to clean up the exterior as much as he could. His time to work on the repairs was limited but he made do, pulling a few all-nighters. Now, he had to deal with a much more delicate operation.

Arven took in a deep breath, carefully removing her exterior shell. As he held it, the reality of just how human-like she was hit him. The synthetic skin felt so realistic. Almost like he was holding a corpse, ice cold in his hands. He writhed uncomfortably at that feeling, barely resisting the urge to chuck it away from him. 

He set it aside safely and out of view before examining the robot's internal mechanisms. A pristine metal skeleton sat inside, almost mimicking a human exactly. Even down to a ribcage, providing extra protection to her central battery and motor. Behind the skeleton, a massive motherboard covered her entire torso.

The damage wasn’t too severe overall, only a small amount of tera crystals got inside. Though her legs were badly crystallised, they only broke a couple replaceable cables. He got back to scraping away tera crystals, extra careful not to damage any more of her internals. He hummed quietly as he worked, trying to distract himself from the utter emptiness of the lab.

He should be used to this. But being back in his mother's lab… It felt a lot more lonely. Surrounded by mountains of documents and work. Work that she always prioritised over him. Now stuck fixing another of her victims.

In a few days, Arven finished his work on the body, reaching her head. He recoiled back feeling the hair. It felt… Real. He knew it was likely some type of synthetic material, but it was still unsettling. The subtly bumpy texture. The way the strands so naturally fell between his fingers. Another reminder of the AI’s humanity.

He carefully removed the face plate, luckily not causing any damage. Like her main body, only a little bit of the tera energy had gotten inside. Though, unlike her body, the mechanisms of her head were infinitely easier to break. The electronics inside were crammed tight. There wasn’t even a millimetre of wiggle room.

Stress began to get to the teen. He knew that this was the most important part. One wrong move here could potentially break everything. With that in mind, Arven began to methodically scrape away at the tera crystals.

Over the days working on it, he found a comfortable groove. But at the last possible moment. A deafening crack sounded throughout the silent lab. Panic instantly set in, throwing his tools to the side. Frantically trying to find the damage. In the end, it was the port for one of her eyes that fell victim to his slip of the hand.

Arven let out a deep sigh of relief, removing the wire from the broken port. He thoroughly checked for any more damage to the circuit but didn’t find any. He reattached the face plate, sure to not make any more mistakes.

He took a few steps back, looking at the reassembled robot. The leftover crystallisation on her skin gave it a crystal vitiligo effect. Hopefully, it wouldn’t interfere anymore with her motor functions. Her hair was still laden with tera crystals, though due to the nature of the material he couldn’t help much with that.

        “Sorry about your eye. Hopefully, everything should be working though. Even if your legs were a bit rough with tera crystals.” Arven said quietly, waiting a moment for a response he knew wouldn’t come.

        “Penny isn’t finished adjusting your programming yet. But she’s down to removing the Paradise Protection Protocol now. You should be back soon…” He continued, standing next to the robot. He glanced over at her, greeted by empty voids for eyes.

        “Goodnight Mom… I’ll make sure you don’t get dusty before we can reboot you.” He whispered, wrapping her in a small hug. 

She was still completely cold. 

        The wait for Penny to finish fixing Sada’s programming was torturous. But Arven finally heard the familiar ring of his rotom phone late one night. 

        “Hey, I think I finally cracked it. I can’t be sure, the code was a complete mess. But I’m pretty sure the security protocols are gone.” A tired voice rang through the speaker. Only conscious via the power of copious energy drinks.

        “So if we link her to this code we can safely deactivate the time machine?” He asked, a hesitant hope seeping into his voice.

        “If everything goes well, yeah. I’ll meet you at the lab tomorrow and we can see if she functions right.” Penny mumbled, her voice barely picked up by the microphone.

        “Thank you, thank you so much for doing all this.” He said, barely containing his joy. The only response he got was a low groan followed shortly by the call disconnecting. After putting his phone away, Arven crept up to the lab's second level.

The robot stood as motionless as ever. Still exactly where she was left last. 

        “Hey, Mom. Penny finally fixed your programming. At least we think she did… Either way, you’re going to be back tomorrow. You’re… You’re going to be better tomorrow okay.” He said, hope lacing his voice. “Please… Please be better tomorrow. And if you aren’t…” He continued, tears beading in his eyes as he stared at his imperfect repairs.

        “Please just know we tried, Mom. We really did… I really did… I never wanted to abandon you. Not like her.” He whispered, voice cracking as he hugged her tightly. With no one else around, he let the tears fall. Crying silently into her chest as his grip tightened.

        Arven stood by Penny, uncharacteristically fidgety. Watching Penny link the fixed AI to the robot shell. Switching on the power, nothing happened for a few minutes. The only sound coming from the robot was the sound of internal fans running. Suddenly, her eyes snapped open, only showing a dim electric blue iris in the still functional one.

The pair stayed silent, watching the robot continue to boot up. Another minute passed before she started rapidly blinking. Soon revealing her more human eye once again. 

        “Arven? Penny? Where… Where am I?… This isn’t the Zero Lab.” She said, looking around the messy room. It felt familiar. But she couldn’t specifically identify any memories of the place despite that. Her vision was also drastically limited.

        “This was the professor's ‘home’ lab. Is everything in you functioning properly?” Penny asked, trying to assess the AI’s condition as best she could.

        “My vision… It’s much reduced from before.” She murmured, her words slurred as she continued to boot.

        “That’s on me. While I was getting the tera crystals out of your head I slipped. Sorry…” Arven said, avoiding her gaze as he rubbed the back of his neck.

        “I should be able to adjust to it. Is everything else inside functional?” Sada asked, a small smile resting on her face.

        “The tera energy was pretty thick around your legs, but otherwise you should be fine.” He said, looking over to Penny to take over.

        “Do you feel anything different inside? Memories being hazy, forgetting things, stuff like that.” Penny asked, examining the professor's exterior for any other defects.

        “No. Now that I’m fully booted I don’t feel any different. Thank you for your help, Penny.” Sada responded, all lack of clarity finally leaving her voice. She seemed to be running completely normally now.

        “That’s good. If you start bugging out, uh, I apologise.” She said quietly, looking over at Arven. “I have Eevees to get back to, I’ll leave you pair be.” She said before walking out of the lab, leaving the others by themselves.

Once Penny had left, Arven leapt into a hug with Sada, clutching her as if she might just disappear if he let go. Sada tenderly wrapped her arms around Arven in turn, the pair staying still and taking in the moment. It was nice feeling her warmth again. Her arms wrapped around him again.

        “I knew you and your friend could do it, Arven.” She whispered, breaking the silence that fell upon the room. 

        “I mean, Penny did all the hard work. I just fixed your internals, and I didn’t even get that right.” He murmured, feeling guilty over breaking her eye. Sada’s only response was hugging him tighter before she spoke again.

        “I’m still proud of you, regardless. And thankful… I’m finally free of that lab.” She said, tenderly running her hand through Arvens hair, “I… I can go explore. I can pursue my own dreams.” She said, joy apparent in her voice despite its robotic undertone. 

        “Well, before you do that there is one issue we need to take care of,” Arven said quietly. Tension quickly entered the air around them. He reluctantly parted from Sada.

        “Of course… Hopefully, your friend was successful in removing my security protocols.” Sada said, the prior emotion leaving her voice. Only leaving behind dread and concern.

They had a time machine to shut down.

        Arven and the professor stepped out of the elevator. Once again greeted by the blinding brightness of the tera crystal walls. The cracks left behind from Koraidon’s battle were as it was when Arven had first left. 

Embedded in the ceiling was the camera shutter-like machine, as imposing as ever. It was in sleep mode, but they knew at any point it could reactivate itself and wreak havoc. 

        “Would you do the honours… Mom?” Arven asked, the last word coming out barely audibly. He’d said it before, but when she was actually conscious… It came a lot harder to him.

        “Of course. Hopefully, it won’t happen, but being out of raising floor range is good.” Sada said, taking the Scarlet Book from the teen. Her grip on it tightened as she approached the pedestal in the centre of the room. She couldn’t stand the thought of possibly hurting Arven again. 

He didn’t have Koraidon with him either, so in a worst-case scenario, he would be completely defenceless. She was taken out of her own head feeling a hand grab her wrist, just now noticing her hands shaking out of control. She looked down towards Arven, calming herself down enough to place the book into its slot. The pair stepped back, hearing the familiar voice over the speakers.

ID CONFIRMED: PROFESSOR SADA.

ACCESS GRANTED.

EMERGENCY SHUTDOWN INITIATED.

PLEASE WAIT…

PLEASE WAIT…

Arven and Sada stood still, staring up at the time machine. Sada had Arvens hand in a vice grip, trying to calm herself down as they kept waiting. Waiting for something to go wrong. 

For the security protocols to be reactivated. 

For history to just repeat itself.

EMERGENCY SHUTDOWN SUCCESSFUL.

The announcement cut through the suffocating tension that took over the room. The once blinding walls gradually shut off, becoming obsidian black like the floor. The shutter up in the ceiling groaned to life. This time instead of blooming outwards, it twisted itself tightly shut.

If she physically could, the AI would have been in tears. Instead, nearly collapsing she hugged Arven crushingly tight.

        “You did it! You actually did it! Dear Arceus, thank you. The professor's dream is finally over.” She said, small convulsions running through her body. “And I’m… I can leave this all behind… I can be the parent you deserved. I can go on my own journey, without anything or anyone telling me what to do.” She whispered, her voice breaking slightly.

        “Arven, I can never truly tell you how thankful I am… Thank you for not leaving me behind. For letting me… Us… Have a new beginning.” She said, releasing the teen from her grip and replacing it with a gentle hand holding his cheek. 

Arven stayed silent. Tears trickled down his face as his lips pulled themselves into a tight smile. They couldn’t just go back to rewrite the past, to erase his mother's mistakes. But now… The future looked a lot more hopeful. 

It wasn’t at all certain, but it was theirs to write. For themselves. With no one else to answer to for once in their lives.

[n0va-j]

Pls read this I worked really hard on it

|Morning|

It has been some time since we moved in together I can't still get accustomed to her face so close to mine when I wake up -

???: I still can't believe I get to wake up to someone so beautiful.

She said with a tender tone, I borrowed my face into the pillow.

???: You're so corny you know.

I said my voice muffled by the pillow, she responds by playing with my hair and repeating her words.

???:I still can't believe I get to wake up to someone so beautiful.

And she added, as turned to face her.

???: and I will never stop saying it.

She laughed before sitting up.

???: come now lazy dump we gotta get up.

She slapped my ass out of nowhere and dragged my feet off with her.

???: agh I’mmmmmm gooooing.

With a sleepy tone I yawned and got up from the bed going to the bathroom. She was already brushing her teeth, so I decided to hug her from behind.

???: morning love.

I said resting my head on her shoulder still half asleep, she responded by kissing my cheek and messing with my hair.

???: morning hon.

We stayed like that for a couple of minutes before she broke the silence once more.

???: come on bb we gotta get ready for work, or well at least I do.

[End of part 1]

|Evening after work|

???: honey I'm home….. honey????

She said entering through the front door, I could barely hear her, I instinctively yelled.

???: GAME.

As if my body knew beforehand, she had arrived, she entered the room I was in and hugged me from the back of the chair in between us,

???: hon are you neglecting your real gf for a 2D waifu again,

I turned around making sure she had let go of the chair looked her dead in the eyes and said,

???: stfu I love you more than anything and you know that, now come here and give me a kiss,

-the rest of this is highly inappropriate and I don't have the energy to write sex so we skipping it ok-

[End of part 2]

|Afternoon next day|

???: hooooneeeryyyyy

I wobbled to her side and laid in the sofa my head in her thighs,

???: yes bb,

She responded creasing my cheek,

???: We haven't gone on a date in some time have we,

She rolled her eyes and said with her a chuckle,

??? What do you want this time bb, are we going to buy the new pokemon TCG packs - or you just want to go to your favorite pizza place,

I looked at her with a bit of surprise, I didn't expect for her to find out right away was I that predictable, definitely,

???: your so smart you know that,

With a strong but tender grip in my breasts, she played with them as if they were stress toys,

???: I know bb that's why I already ordered take out we just gotta get the cards,

I was so excited I started to jump and yelling,

???: yay yeppers yeepppyyyyy yaaaaaaaaaaaaay RAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH,

After that we spent the night together opening booster packs and eating,

[End of part 3]

|Late morning in the park|

We went out on a “normal” date it has been some time since we did that I was so excited, we are walking down the park and she said

???: you know, this feels like taking a dog out for a walk.

She laughed softly, I didn't care about what she said, only that she was happy, for her I would be anything, even a men, I hate men 😤

Cecilia: look bouts wanna go on one.

I said enthusiastically pointing at the swan-shaped “rafs” in the lake.

???: oh BB I'm sorry to inform you but this ship has already sailed.

She said holding me in a warm embrace, moving her face close to mine filling my lips with the warmth of hers.

Cecilia: still can we get in one is romantic in this time of the year.

I said burrowing my face in her soft neck looking for some warmth in this cold morning.

???: fine then, I just hope we don't get lost like last time.

We both spent the rest of the day in the swan-shaped rafts, and going around buying some sweets.

|Evening at home|

Cecilia: That was fun.

I said, striping off my winter clothes, and laying flat on the ground.

???: Dear please don't lay on the floor, it's filthy. I haven't washed it in a while, plus who said it was over.

She said laying on top of me in a suggestive manner…. We decided to take it to the bedroom

[End of part 4]

[writer-akihiko]

Hi! If that's okay could i request some angst for the first years (+Grim, Crewel and Crowley? Platonic only for them)

MC/Yuu runs away from NRC due to all the shit they've been put through because of Crowley not doing his job, they do finally find them some days later but MC refuses to go back to NRC and tells Crowley that they despise him.

Reactions?

First Years + MC Running Away [+Plat!Crewel & Crowley]

I love the angst for this, and planning the emotions that they would feel! The dorm leaders also make a cameo in Crewel and Crowley's part. Cut for length.

Warnings: Angst, Mentions of Emotional Manipulation, Curse Words, Wounds and Mild Violence. Please read at your own discretion.

"I'm not going back."

"Wh... What?" He was astonished. "YN... I've looked far and wide for you- please-"

No words left his mouth as you stepped away from him, tears in your eyes and you were going to make a run for it again.

Sebek Zigvolt

Sebek was in a dilemma. He wanted to go back to NRC because of Malleus, but you refused to. You still meant a lot to him of course, but he still wanted to stay in NRC. He reached out to you, holding you in place with his Fae strength.

"YN, we have to go back. Please don't be unreasonable," He begged. There was no way he wasn't going without you.

You shook your head, trying to tug against Sebek as much as possible. There was no way you could fight against him, and you wouldn't want to hurt him either. "Sebek... Sebek just let me go. I'm just a human and..."

The moment was ruined with Crowley showing up, yelling at Sebek to bring you back. You mustered as much of your voice as you could. "No! Don't take me back!" You screamed at Sebek, who was holding you in a lock. "I hate him! I hate him, don't do this to me Sebek!"

His grip almost loosened at you saying you hated Crowley. Actually, he thought it was directed at him. It took a lot of effort for Sebek not to cry because he knew. He knew how much you didn't deserve the things you faced. The Overblots, the treatment and sheer alienation from other students, Crowley's neglect... He knew.

He blamed himself for getting so caught up in what his Master was doing that he forgot to care about you. When he found out that you ran away, he felt as if he deserved it. He pulled you in, tucking you against his chest and allowing you to cry.

He didn't bring you closer to the others, neither did he bring you away. He kept you close to him, as your tears stained his perfect uniform. Not a word came from him when you cried into him. It was kept that way, as the half-Fae dared to growl at Crowley and anyone else that took a step closer to you.

"YN... You're safe with me, alright?"

Ace Trappola

He told himself that he wouldn't get mad, but your refusal just rubbed salt in wounds as he remembered the sleepless nights of trying to find you. Beneath all of it, he was scared. He was scared that he lost you to some one else. He was scared that this world never suited you, and you finally went to your own, leaving him alone.

"What do you mean you're not going back?! YN, stop screwing around with me!" He screamed, throwing his magic pen to the ground. At this point, he was pissed about anything relating to magic. Magic was useless when it came to finding you.

"I'm not going so leave me alone Ace..." You told him, tears nearing at your eyes. "I don't want to. I don't want to. I'm done with Crowley's shit and I'm done with NRC."

You took a running start, but Ace caught you, pushing you to the ground. His expression caught you off-guard. He was crying, eyes puffy and tired as his face was pale, as if he hadn't gotten enough sleep.

"You're done?! How could you... I..." He didn't know what to say. You were right. You had dealt with enough. You never deserved it... If it weren't for him and his troublemaking ways... Maybe you wouldn't have to suffer...

"I'm sorry..." He coughed out, his voice strained. He kept you pinned on the ground, as his tears flowed with yours. "I'm sorry for being an idiot. I'm sorry for dragging you into trouble. I know you don't deserve it but I'm an asshole that does anyway..."

"Ace..."

"But!..." He went on, his eyes glossing over as he admired you once again. Oh... you were beautiful to him, even if you were crying in his arms. "But I'm selfish. I didn't want to let you go so I went after you instead... So hit me if you want, scream or punch me... I don't care, just don't leave me."

He sat up, pulling you into his lap, his chin under your head. "I was so lonely without you YN..."

"Godammit I love you..." He choked out, his tears never-ending. You both sat there, hugging each other as if it were your last days. You didn't dare to let go of him this time.

Deuce Spade

He didn't know how to respond. All he knew was that he had to hold onto you before you ran away from him once again. "YN... Wait... Don't leave!"

He wondered if he even made the right choice to stay on the side of bringing you back. From just the look of you, he knew you were tired. He knew those responsibilities were never yours. Your suffering just proved to Deuce how powerless he was. Maybe that's why he wanted to bring you back... as proof that he could do something for you.

"YN... I'm sorry..." He said, holding you close to him. There wasn't a thing he could do for you. All you went through... It was Crowley's irresponsibility. He did this to you. Deuce's grip tightened on you, as he though of what it could've done to your psyche. "YN... YN... I'll make sure he doesn't touch you. I'll make sure that he never comes near you again... YN, you trust me right?"

For all the times he wasn't with you, he was determined to make up for it. Deuce wasn't going to let you suffer through this alone, even if it means he gets hurt. It was better for him to get hurt than you, even though he was so desperate to ask Crowley to find you.

You nodded, hiding into Deuce's chest. His heart was beating so fast, most likely from the never ending search for you. You never regretted running away, but you missed Deuce and your other friends, and Grim too. The one thing you regretted was accepting Crowley's offer to stay here.

"I don't care what you do to me," You told him. "Just don't take me back. I don't to go back. I don't want to go back to NRC..." Your body trembled at the thought of moving back to NRC, but all thoughts of it were abandoned as you saw Crowley approach you.

You screamed, but he never touched you. Deuce stood in the way, as he shielded you with his own body. He pushed you back, as he grabbed tightly onto his magic pen. Abandoning all morals of propriety, he glared hard at the principal.

"...Don't touch her."

Jack Howl

He wasn't going to let you run away this time. "Don't move."

Jack couldn't believe that he found you so quickly. No, that wasn't it. He couldn't believe that you were still here. Despite him having a scent on you, you could've been miles away without him knowing. He thought you went back to your own world. He thought you hated him, but by the way you hugged him, it reassured him of any thoughts he had.

There was not single part of you that did not tremble when Jack told you he wanted to take you back. Your sheer refusal turned into an argument quickly, as you listed all the sufferings you went through. It was confusing and agonising for Jack to listen to you. He knew you needed this, but some of the things you said sent shivers down his spine.

"I…"

"It's okay YN. You don't have to go back," He whispered to you. Jack's ears flattened as yours tears made your eyes puffy. He got flustered since he didn't know how to comfort you any further, busying himself with wiping away your tears instead.

Jack was sharp. He knew Crowley was out to get you, even if you didn't want to. He wanted the easy way out, but Jack wasn't going to give him the chance. There was no reason why Jack shouldn't help you… but he'd be lying if he weren't scared of what would happen if you both were caught.

You and Jack had the same train of thought, so you shook your head. "No Jack… I have to…" You told him, your voice raspy. "You already found me and there's no use. You… You can't outrun him with me…"

Jack growled, baring his teeth at the person who caused you such misery. His claws were out, as he hid you behind him. You didn't make a sound, paralysed by the very person that pulled you in this hell. You only met eyes with Crowley for a moment, as the world swirled around you.

"I know I can't… But I'm sure as hell am going to try…" Jack ran away from the principal, with you tightly in his arms as he made a run for it.

Epel Felmier

He was more than angry. He never understood why you and him but now it was evident. It was because both of you were stubborn. You both always tried to grasp what you wanted, and in the light of attaining it, you both always made a run for it. For him it was power… and for you, it was freedom.

"Damn it!..." He cursed underneath his breath, quickly removing his jacket and covering your head in it. You were probably hungry and tired. You were probably scared. What was he supposed to do?...

How did it come to this? He was supposed to be the one that supported your desires, no matter how big or small as you did the same to him. But now, with him using Crowley to get to you… What was he doing? This was hurting you, not helping you.

He moved away from you, ripping off the magical tracking device off of him. "You damn liar!" He screamed. "How dare you hurt her like this… Do you think I'm some stupid puppet?! Like hell you're gonna reach her with my help!"

Epel stomped and tore the device apart, grunting at every time the magic deflection hit him. He didn't stop, ripping further into the grass as he cried for your sake. He never meant to do this to you. He got up, taking you by the wrist and pulling you much deeper into the forest.

"YN… YN we have to go. They were tracking me and they- they might…"

You stopped in your tracks.

"YN?"

You hugged Epel, holding him tight. He snapped out of his delusions, turning to panic about your well-being. "Are you hurt? If you can't walk I'll carry you, but we have to get away-"

"Stop Epel," You said, taking his hands into yours. "Stop… It's okay… I'm okay… I can't make it any further and I don't blame you… I just… wanted it to not hurt for a bit."

He broke down in your arms, as you both collapsed to the ground. Filled with exhaustion, you could only grip to his hands weakly. Before your eyes darkened, you remembered his last words.

"I'm sorry…"

Divus Crewel

He's horrified at your state. All his emotions were bottled for the time being. There was no reason for a puppy like you to be exposed to such horrid emotions from him. He shrugs off his fluffy coat, covering you in the coat, as he carries you in the coat.

Dire was quick to catch up to him, but alas, all that Divus had for him was disappointment. Even from teacher to teacher, no… even from magician to magician… all respect for Dire that he had vanished. The dorm leaders caught up with the principal, and from the looks of it, they were horrified.

"For this puppy to end up like this…"

No, he couldn't get angry now. He had to be the example to other students. Rosehearts, Al-Asim and Ashengrotto were in tears, while Draconia and Kingscholar were murderous. If it weren't the difference of authority, Divus would bet those two would maul Dire where he stood.

"Draconia. Schoenheit. Take YN away and treat her wounds," He commanded. Still wrapped in his coat, Malleus brought you to the others, as Vil observed for any of your wounds. Divus signalled the other students away as he took off one of his gloves, glaring at Dire. "I need to talk with the principal."

Dire was still, as Divus delivered a clean punch across his face. There was no need for further violence. It'd be an insult to what you suffered. Divus grabbed Dire by the collar, almost sneering at him. "Did you realise what you've done to that puppy? She's scared, she's suffered all because of you."

He left Dire alone. It's what he deserved. There was nothing to be done. If he further pummeled the crow man, he might just kill him right then and there. Divus, for now, had to be by your side as your father figure and welcome you back safely to NRC as you were meant to be. Before leaving, he picked up his sullied glove from the floor, saying his last to Dire.

"You don't deserve to be her father."

Dire Crowley

He was ashamed to use his magic on you, but he had to prevent you from running. It was a necessary measure, but the real thorns were your words that pierced through his heart. You yelled insults, curses and cusses at him as if you were held at gunpoint, your lungs exhausted from the constant shrieking.

"No no! Let me go," You begged. "I hate you, I hate you I hate you!" You chanted it as if it were a spell. "I wish you never took me in. Don't touch me!"

The words were enough for the magic to weaken, granting you your escape. Dire was not swift enough, but the Dorm Leaders were. They heard everything, every complaint you threw at Dire and every insult you had for him. Malleus caught you, but as soon you knew it was him, you pushed him away.

"No… NO! I am NOT GOING BACK!" You cried, holding your head in your hands, crouching into a ball. Leona quickly knocked you out. If you went on, you would've hurt yourself and the injuries you sustained from running away was concerning enough.

Against all odds, those seven turned to the principal, with faces of betrayal. All you had been through… They did not realise what burden Dire, and subsequently, they placed on you.

"Crowley… you were never gracious."

Dire was hopeless. He couldn't comfort you, he knew he couldn't be forgiven. He stood in his place, accepting his fate at the moment. He couldn't ask for your mercy nor forgiveness, and perhaps that was his fate. To be cursed by whoever he neglected.

"Please, take care of her for now."

[labyrinth-runner]

“I might already be on me knees, but I’m still gonna make you say please.” Darkling x Fem!Reader

Title: Worth the Wait

Summary: Reader is insecure of their powers and their ability to be the sun summoner. General Kirigan assures them that they have what it takes.

Word Count: 2600

Warnings: It's sinful sunday folks. This is literally going to turn into smut. Unprotected smut. Marking.

You'd been at the Little Palace for almost a month and by now you felt like you should have been making progress. They called you a Saint, and prayed to you so that you would be their deliverance, but who would deliver you? Who would save you? The weight of your responsibilities was almost debilitating on your shoulders. Most of the Grisha looked at you like you were so much better than them, like they could only dream of being you.

If only they knew the truth. You were a sham. You could barely manage to bring forth your power on the good days. Your arm had felt the wrath of Baghra's rage more than once this week.

Your power on your own was nothing like when Aleksander touched you. When his hand closed around your wrist, it was like your power would do anything for him. It bent to his will, and you were okay with that. The warm sureness washed over you and made you feel for one small moment that you might actually belong here. With the Grisha. With him.

The way he looked at you made you feel like you were more than you actually are. He made you want to live up to that look.

After another failed day of practice, you couldn't sleep. You tossed and turned in your comfortable bed, unable to relax. Eventually, you decided to get out of bed.

Your feet took you down to the main hall downstairs. The room was empty. Fires crackled in the hearths as their embers cooled from neglect. Your hand dragged along the tables, settling on the Darkling's seat. He had never used it in your time at the Palace, yet the Grisha fought over where they sat in relation to this chair.

There was nothing special about the chair. Its dark wood was smooth under your fingers. Casting a glance around, you pulled it out and sat, looking out over the empty chairs around you.

"It suits you," a voice said from behind you.

You jumped up, turning to see the silhouette of the General leaning against the open door to the war room. "I-I'm sorry, General."

"For what?" he asked, "For taking your rightful place? You should be sitting there, anyway. Not with the other Etherealki. You're not like them, Starling."

You blushed, looking down. "I know I'm not like them. They belong here. I don't."

"Come," he murmured, pushing the door wider for you to enter. "Let me set your mind at ease."

You passed by with bated breath, smelling the familiar scent of ash and cedar wash over you. Your eyes fell on the map resting on the table. The armies of Ravka were stretched thin, with enemies surrounding from all sides as well as from within. The door closed with a thud.

"Do you know why our enemies wish you dead?" he asked cooly.

"Because I am Grisha and Fjerdans hate our kind?" you replied.

His lips turned up slightly, "A good guess, but no. With your power, you can destroy the fold and reunite Ravka. A united country is stronger. We would loose less men, have more area to farm, and would have a better supply route. With you gone, we remain divided, an easy target for those who would wish Ravka harm."

You sighed, shoulders bowing forward. "I'm not capable of that."

"Not yet," he replied in your ear. His voice sent a shiver down your spine, "But you will be."

"How can you be so sure?" you asked, stepping forward out of his reach. Nervously, you rubbed your arms as you looked over the map.

"For a sun summoner, you surround yourself with darkness," he commented. A chill went through you as one by one the lights were consumed by pitch black night. "If you surround yourself with darkness, it's no wonder you can't find the light."

Your hair stood on end as you bumped into the table. Pieces on the war map toppled over. "If you're testing me, it won't work. There's no light here."

"There's no light in the fold, either," he countered.

"I'm not strong enough."

"Yes, you are." His voice was all around you, like the darkness. "You're just looking in the wrong places for the light."

"What do you mean?"

"You're a sun summoner. Your power comes from within. You need to stop looking outward for the power, the validation. The only person who can unlock your true potential is you."

"That's not true! When you touch me I-"

"When I touch you, I amplify what's already there. I make it easier for you to find it within you, but it's always been there, Starling."

You swallowed. The darkness was oppressive. Your voice was softer, less sure. "I can't."

"You can," he murmured. "All of those people believe in you. Why can't you believe in yourself?"

"Because they don't know me!"

"But they do. You are their Saint! The world has known you before you knew the world!"

"I'm no Saint. I'm just... I'm just me," you replied, frustrated.

"And what are you?"

"I..." Your mind was swimming. You used to say a member of the army. You used to say you were an orphan, someone without a place to belong. Then, after the incident in the fold, you were welcomed here. You wanted so badly to belong here. The Little Palace was everything you dreamed of. When you walked into a room, you were noticed. When you stood next to General Kirigan, you felt like an equal. You were no longer a nobody. You were a somebody. In the darkness, you reached for his cheek, and with precision you found it.

"I am Grisha" you replied, dragging your thumb across his cheek. Warmth surged through you as your power snaked it's way up to the surface. Your blood rushed in your veins. Every fibre of your being felt alive. You pushed away the darkness, surrounding you and Aleksander in a halo of light.

You pulled away from him and the room dimmed back to normal. His dark eyes focused on you, seeing you as he always had. His gaze was intense as you slowly backed away, your backside nudging the table.

"You're not just Grisha," he murmured stepping into your space. His hand reached up, his ring lightly grazing your cheek as he pushed a strand of hair out of your face. Your eyes fell from his to his lips. The air between you was charged. "You are mine, Starling."

His lips crashed against yours, his stubble tickling your skin. Your hands sunk into his raven hair to pull him closer to you. His large hands slid up your thighs, pushing your robe further up as they hooked behind your knees to lift you onto the table. Your back knocked over multiple little pieces, causing you to chuckle as his lips made their way down your neck to your clavicle. His thumbs drew lazy circles on the inside of your thighs as his lips trailed lower. Landing on his knees in front of you, his lips sucked marks up the soft flesh of your legs, inching the fabric further up.

"Are you scared?" he murmured, looking up from between your legs.

"Of you?" you asked, smoothing a lock of his hair out of his eyes. You thought back to all the moments between you, the pull, the charge, the familiarity of him. There was a crackle between your skin as your atoms grew closer, wanting to bond. You knew it now, you were two halves of the same whole. He was darkness, you were light. You could not exist without each other. Just as you could not know light without dark, you hadn't known yourself until you knew him.

"Starling?" he asked, pulling you from your thoughts.

"No," you admitted. "I'm not."

"Well, Starling, what do you want?" Aleksander asked, his fingers slipping up to hook around the band of your underwear, tugging down gently.

"You," you groaned, your head falling back to look at the ceiling as the cold air hit your skin.

“I might already be on me knees, but I’m still going to make you say please," he smirked, nipping your thigh.

"Please, Aleksander," you breathed, subconsciously opening your legs wider for him. "I want you."

The smug grin that you got in response made you bite your lip. His eyes seemed to get impossibly darker with desire as his hand slid up your chest to push you flat back against the table top. His other hand tugged on the bow keeping your robe closed, letting it fall open. He stood between your legs, taking in how you looked spread out over Ravka. All of it would be his from this moment forth: Ravka and you. The world was at his fingertips.

The anticipation was killing you as he gently dragged his fingertips down the valley of your chest before settling on your hips.

You had to wonder what he thought when he looked at you. Was this love? Or was it simply lust? When two beings such as yourselves existed, was there any other course to take besides falling for each other? When you were the only two beings who could potentially live forever, why would you fall for those who could die when like should end up with like?

"I've waited so long for you," he whispered.

"Then why wait any longer?" you asked breathlessly, propping up on your elbows. You had never felt more bare; more seen.

He tapped his fingers in a cadence on your thigh as one would impatiently tap a table. "You make a good point, Starling."

Reaching up, you grabbed ahold of the lapels of his coat, pulling him down to you. He rested his forehead against yours as your hands smoothed up his chest and over his shoulders to push the fabric off his body. Then, your sure fingers worked his buttons over with determination.

He grabbed your hands, bringing them up to kiss your wrists. The Darkling took over from where you left off, shedding his own shirt and pants until he matched you.

Hooking your heels around his abdomen, you pulled him closer. His hard length bumped against your slick. His eyes closed at the feeling.

Suddenly, it was if something had come over him. One hand gripped your hip as the other cupped the back of your head somewhat roughly to pull you into a kiss.

This kiss was different.

It was rough, passionate, but it wasn't all sunshine and roses. Part of it was frustration. Anger. Disgust at himself for not being able to be the cool, controlled Darkling he was known to be. He blamed you. He blamed himself for becoming undone by you.

You kissed him back with the same ferocity, but opposing emotions. Your kiss was a resignation, an acceptance that this was how the world should be. Your kiss was relief. Your kiss was love and admiration. Your fingers tugged at his hair, making him open his mouth to fight your tongue for dominance. It was a long battle, but you won. You twirled your tongue around his, soothing him. Your breaths mingled as one, a balance. Your breaths were tantric as he pulled your body flush against his.

Unexpectedly, he lifted you, carrying you towards his bedroom.

"What's wrong with where we were?" you asked softly as he placed you on his bed. It was softer than yours.

"I don't want to think of the war while I make love to you," he sighed in your ear. He pulled back to kiss you softly. "I just want it to be you and me. Here. Now."

Lining himself up with your entrance, he took a deep breath. He kissed you again as he entered. He wasn't forceful, but it was still an adjustment. He swallowed your noises of discomfort with his mouth, waiting for you to become accustomed to the feel of him. When you nodded, he started to move.

He started slow, rocking back and forth into you, kissing you as he did. His hand dipped down to push your knee towards your chest to increase the angle. He hit somewhere deep inside you, causing you to gasp. The gasp quickly turned into a moan as he hit the spot again and again. His pace quickened in speed and increased in roughness, but you liked it. Your body had taken worse beatings that left you feeling less pleasure than this before.

Your fingernails dug into his shoulder, looking to ground yourself. Deep within you, your power was surging, giving you energy that you spent on the Darkling. You matched his thrusts.

"Saints," he gasped.

You grabbed his chin, bringing his face back to look at yours. "I am yours. Take me as you want me."

His gaze was unfocused, seeing through you, but he nodded. His hips snapped into yours at a pace that shook the bed. Your hand gripped his hair tightly as he bit your neck, sucking a mark that you knew would be visible.

It was almost on the precipice of being more pain than pleasure. Your body was incredibly hot. A slight sheen of sweat glistened on your skin as you gasped for air from the exertion of it all. Every muscle in your body was pulled taut, like a slingshot ready to fire.

"Let go," he instructed in your ear.

You screamed his name. Your toes curled as a blinding light filled your vision and you saw stars. You saw the light within you, soaring up towards the heat of your inner sun until you could almost touch it.

And then you were falling. Crashing into a pool of cool darkness. The cold washed over your skin and you realized it was Aleksander's release. The darkness quenching the heat of the sun.

He slowed his pace, fucking you both through your orgasm until life came back into focus for both of you. You blinked through your daze until your vision cleared and you were back in the arms of the Darkling, resting on his bed.

The Darkling had lived a thousand lives before you were even born. Part of you wondered how often he had laid with someone like this, wondering how you'd compare to the rest.

He flopped on his back to catch his breath, chuckling as he stared at the canopy of his bed.

"That was...." He turned to look at you, a boyish grin on his face that you recognized as a happiness he never wore. "Worth the wait."

You let out a breathy laugh of your own as you turned onto your stomach. "Good. I'd hate to disappoint."

"You'd never disappoint, Starling." His smile softened as he reached up to hook his thumb under your chin.

Your eyes trailed down his body, looking at his chest and scrutinizing it for the first time. Scars marred his body. "I'm surprised you never had Genya erase those."

"They remind me of what I'm fighting for." He followed your gaze and sighed, the wall of sadness back in place, and also, you realized, grief.

You reached out to take his hand, kissing his palm. "The fight will be over soon."

He held his arm up so that you could tuck into his side. Hugging you into his side, he kissed the top of your head. "One way or another, Starling. One way or another."

[dodo-begone]

Beware the Beast

Pairing: Yandere!Philza x Reader

Request: Maybe some yandere!philza headcanons? You don’t have to!

Word Count: 2k

Warning: yandere, swearing, talk about kidnapping, depression (kinda detailed on that aspect)

A/n: I accidentally turned this into a story- i really need to stop doing that. But I just couldn't resist! Also sorry if Phil is OOC. And this isn't proofread. We die like men here. Can be perceived as platonic or romantic.

This man has lived many years, lost so many loved ones. He’s getting tired of this cycle. It’s truly exhausting. You start to care about the world less. After a while, you start to see too many similarities in things, making it hard to look at. So he starts to close his heart to others. It’s just easier that way, for both parties. Saves him from the heartbreak and them from… well, him. He also stops caring for himself. After all, he’s literally immortal. Nothing can kill this man, so neglecting some self care routines every once in a while wouldn’t hurt…

But this becomes such a bad habit of his. He barely cares for himself after a while. It’s hard to find the energy when it isn’t going to matter in the end. Nothing matters anyways. Every action will always prove fruitless in the end. So what’s the point in doing something so... small if it takes this much energy? If a past version of himself saw Phil now, they’d be disgusted. Telling him to just get up and care for himself. Come on, you’re immortal. Nothing can kill you. Just do this.

He’s a mess when you two meet. His platinum-blonde hair was mostly neat, a little shaggy. It was obvious that he just got himself cleaned up a bit. One can only do so much about deep eyebags, dull hair, and lifeless eyes on such short notice.

You were introduced to him through Ghostbur. Phil was overjoyed that Ghostbur was making more friends. Though much less pleased when Ghostbur insisted that he’d bring his new friend over to meet Phil. Oh come on Phil, you’d just love them. They’re so nice! What tortured Philza more than his first interaction with you? His conversations with Ghostbur about you. He’d just prattle on about things you and him did, about how much fun you two had and how nice you were. Always nice.

And you were nice, an absolute sweetheart. But much too perky for Philza’s liking. You two had been chatting for quite a while when Ghostbur silently leaves you two together. Well, you’re chatting. Phil is just listening to you, hoping that you’d leave at any moment. Some topics were brought up; they were mostly some small icebreakers to get acquainted more.

When your past was brought up, you’d always paint this fucking picture-perfect past. So peaceful. God, the envy he had of you, of the peace you experienced in your life- He felt bad for it, honestly, he did. But he just wished he could’ve had even a fraction of the prosperity you spoke about. For someone living in the DSMP, you had a relatively easy and steady life. No war, no major or sudden loss or anything of that sort. A perfect life.

After that, you just kept coming back. Why? Why are you coming back? Are you here to taunt him for the life he lived? For the life he’ll never have? Is some god sending you as a punishment? A living example of everything he gave up, had to leave behind. That’s what he believed, anyways.

That was far from your intentions. You saw how he was in your first meeting; jumpy yet dissociating from reality. An oppressive, glum aura seemed to just emanate him. So downtrodden and dead inside, yet so obviously alive on the outside. It hurt to see him like that, as you went through something similar. You had no idea how long he’d been like that, but you decided that you’d help him in any way that you could.

You tried to make it a daily thing. Everyday you’d go to Phil’s house around midday to afternoon. You two would talk for a bit, but you’d couldn’t help sprinkling your questions in. Have you eaten yet, mr. Philza? Have you had water today, mr. Philza? Have you preened your feathers, mr. Philza? Have you bathed today, mr. Philza?

Your questions irked Phil. Everyday, without fail, you’d come and talk to him. It’d be small talk at first; what the weather was up to that day, some light politics, Tubbo’s new adopted son. Small. Yet you’d always bring up his self care. He was a fcking grown man. He could take care of himself. What’s worse? You’d pester him to care for himself in that instant if he even showed a small sign of negligence. And you’d stay the entire time, making sure he did everything. And then you’d always add “mr. Philza” on the end. It was a sign of respect, yet it upset him so much. But he couldn’t exactly pinpoint what it was.

Though it was annoying, it got him in the habit of caring for himself. It was only to stop your pesting! That’s the reasoning. The only reason. It wasn’t because you’re congratulating and giving him treats when he remembered to care for himself. Or you petting his wings… Those were only bonuses! He swears!

It becomes more steady as time goes on; you go and visit Phil, you talk with Phil and see if he’s caring for himself, and if he was, you’d reveal a delicious treat from within your enderchest. You two would talk while munching on the food, having fun sharing what your pasts were like. Well, more like yours. Phil didn’t really talk about his.

But he still seems so cold, disinterested. Even with how long you’ve been going over for. Like he’s only listening to what you’re telling him. If he’s even listening. And seeing how he interacted with others like Techno and Ranboo, it really disheartened you. He was so much more lively with them, more natural. Loud laughing and silly little antics. It only took a few small, insignificant depression episodes for your self doubt to finally debilitate you. Though it only really affected your contact with Phil; he was a big insecurity of yours.

So you start to distance yourself. You were hurting and saw yourself as a bother to Philza. It would’ve been better if you just didn’t try to talk to him anymore. He’d be so much happier without you bugging him all the time. All of this sudden, open time gives you much more empty hours. There was nothing to do. So you did what you could; you went out to make or strengthen friendships. It was so nice. You never realized how everyone on the smp was so nice. Maybe they weren’t as bad as Phil was making them all out to be…

Philza was upset the first day you weren’t there. You were such a steady element of his day. You were like the very air he breathed; it was extremely hard to live without you. He never noticed before how much he needed you. Yes, he knew that he really enjoyed you, saw that you were a pillar, a constant in his life. He came to enjoy your visits, but hadn’t realized how dependent he became because of them. It was day three when Phil started to worry about you. Why hadn’t you come to talk with him, like usual? He’s taking care of himself, just for you, just like you kept insisting he do. And he made you some cake.

He knew he was acting odd, lovesick even. His love for you was toxic, extremely so. It wasn’t healthy, yet he couldn’t care less anymore. You were like his nicotine to a smoker; he couldn't live without you being in his life. His everyday life. So after some debating, he finally went out to look for you.

Traversing the nether wasn’t too bad, but still a tedious walk. He was stuck in his mind the entire trip there, wondering where you could be and what you could be doing. Maybe you got caught up in making something. A redstone project? That’d be pretty cool. Or maybe moving? No, if you were, you’d have told him. But that didn’t stop him from speeding up just a wee bit. Just to make sure you were actually still on the smp.

His mind was racing, thinking of any possibility of what you were doing. And his mind eventually hit something that absolutely terrified him; you could be sick, injured, or dying. It felt like the world just fucking stopped. This was a sudden loss of contact and you still hadn’t come to talk with him. So that… that means there’s a high probability of you being in danger.

He ran the rest of the way to the main part of the smp. When he came out of the portal, he frantically looked around for any sign of you. For your house. Then it hit him; he had no idea where you lived. You only mentioned it being cold where you lived, just like where he lived. So that most likely meant Snowchester. He started running toward the cold nation

On his way to Snowchester, he observed his surroundings. A little bit. He had to get to you, keep his eye on the prize. And he was glad that he looked around. There you were, on another part of the prime path.

He was overjoyed to see you, especially doing so well. Soon he came to a stop. Just floored by the fact you were there, in front of him. Frantically he tried to view you as best he could, looking for any sign of injury or illness.

Now he couldn’t come across as clingy or desperate. That wasn’t how you knew him. You know him as Philza; the kind but a mild social recluse. Not really going out to others unless he needed something or he was needed.

So he walked over to you, trying his best to look nonchalant. Like he wasn’t just desperately searching for you a moment ago. He called out to you and guess what happened? You started to walk away. He was stunned. Did you just ignore him? No, you must not have heard him. It was kinda windy out at the moment.

Logically he did the best option, following you. He had no clue where your destination could be. You were going to a different area of the smp than he had been. My how the smp changed since the destruction of L’manberg. He knew it changed, but it seemed so much bigger than what you described.

He didn’t exactly pay attention to where you were indirectly leading him. That was until a flash of movement caught his attention. Snapping out of it, he looked to see what could’ve been going on. Who could’ve been there. And what he saw before him was a terrible sight.

Quackity stood by your side, animatedly chatting with you. Phil was confused as to why you were talking to Quackity of all people. You two recently talked about how Quackity was problematic and arrogant. If you knew that, then why were you talking to him?

Awkwardly he watched you. Not within earshot, but where he could keep an eye on you and Quackity. And Quackity was looking at Phil too. His eyes spoke volumes; Quackity wasn’t pleased that Phil was there. Boy was that sentiment shared. It was tense between the two, yet you still seemed oblivious to what was going on.

Then Quackity said something, putting his hand on your shoulder and leading you somewhere else. But gave one last look at Phil, one that just spoke “fuck off”. Phil wished he could’ve told Quackity the same. To get him away for you.

Quackity’s action sparked a thought in him. A reason as to why you hadn’t come to talk to Phil; Quackity must’ve kidnapped you! Yes, that’s why you hadn’t come. It makes so much sense. Quackity knows you and most likely knows you talk to Phil.

With how easily you tell Phil of the people you’re talking to, he doubts that the behavior would just change. But that’s what must’ve gotten you in so much trouble; you were too trusting, too kind-hearted. You gave Quackity a chance and he was stealing you away, imprisoning you. You needn’t worry dear, he’ll rescue you from that foul man.

[fifthmoon0]

I want to take a moment to talk about why Dabi is the way that he is. I’m not going to go in depth about the correlation between his trauma and his actions. I’m also not going to try to figure out what mental illness / illnesses he may have. But I am going to talk about the trauma itself and how it severely damaged him.

It’s obvious, but the biggest reason he is the way that he is , is due to the trauma he endured growing up. I’ve seen a lot of people online claim that what he’s doing isn’t justified when you compare it to his actual trauma. That’s complete BS. What you endure emotionally / physically as a child can manifest itself in many different ways as you get older and into adulthood. Even the slightest bit of trauma can evolve into something much worse later on in an individuals life. Also, what Endeavor did may seem subtle and not that bad to some people, but it had worse implications than you may think.

You need to think about what Touya went through and put yourself into his shoes. Originally Endeavor thought so highly of him. Touya felt loved, cared for and special. Fast forward just a little into the future and you’ll find that this changes for Touya. Now he was being told that he is actually weak and because of this, he isn’t useful to his father anymore. On top of that, Endeavor straight up started to ignore Touya. He threw him to the side like he was some kind of wasted science experiment and not his child …. Endeavor only cared about him when he was useful to him. At this age, Touya was still developing mentally, so this behavior was detrimental to his mental health. Also, children, especially young children, love and admire their parents with all of their heart which just makes trauma all that much worse… I could tell that Touya really looked up to his dad. Trauma isn’t only an outcome from physical abuse. Emotional neglect , mental abuse and verbal abuse can also be super damaging to the ego and can cause so many negative side effects.

Quick side thought - I find it hard to believe that Touya still cares about his siblings, his father or even his mother in any capacity. And even if he does, I can tell that those feelings are nothing compared to the anger he feels instead. Mentally he isn’t well and and hasn’t been for a long time ... At this point he just cares about hurting and killing his father… 😓

Ok getting back on track. SPOILER ALERT - As a child Touya tried to kill baby Shoto. This is awful and you can’t deny that … However, you have to look at the situation at the point of view of a child. Touya was praised and loved so much but then suddenly tossed aside. Endeavor didn’t just tell him ‘hey we just can’t train anymore’ , he literally just stopped interacting with him in any way :/ At this point in time Touya was a very misunderstood, ignored and unloved child…. Children have a hard time expressing their emotions as it is and they often go to extremes without even fully understanding why. Imagine how much worse they must feel when they are also traumatized! Touya’s father straight up didn’t care about him anymore. I don’t think that he 100% stopped loving Touya, but I’m sure that’s how it felt for Touya. He felt an insane amount of misunderstood jealousy and anger towards Shoto. He probably also thought that ‘if Shoto is gone then dad will love me again’…. Again, he was at an age where his brain was still developing and he was going through emotional neglect. 😓… I do not think that this was in any way a case of Touya being naturally psychotic or anything like that. Not a chance. I think this was a negative set of emotions that stemmed from the trauma and neglect he was going through. Children already don’t completely understand the consequences of their actions or even understand death. And with Touya having having endured trauma so early in his life, his actions were probably more extreme than a usual child’s actions would be. Endeavor didn’t even consider this behavior as a warning sign or a call for help or anything. He did jack shit. That’s fucked up.

This may also be SPOILERS for some, just a warning. It’s also more or less a recap of some things I already mentioned. But basically , in the manga Touya learned that his body can’t withstand his own quirk. Because of this, Endeavor stops training him, which is honestly a good thing…. But as a result of doing that, he also just completely stops being there for Touya. He straight up ignored him and neglected him emotionally without any concern for him. He didn’t even go to check in with Touya. Just zilch. Nada. Nothing at all.

The fact that Touya was told that it was dangerous for him use his quirk no longer mattered to him. What really mattered to him was getting his fathers attention and getting the much needed affection that he was so desperately needing from him. That he used to get from him… Endeavor should have still been there for him, quirk or not. He should have been a loving and caring father no matter what. And he wasn’t. At that time, in Touya’s mind he believes the only thing that will help achieve this and make him feel better is by training himself so he can show his dad that he is actually worthy, even though his body can’t handle it. His flames became too powerful for him and well that’s as far as I’ll go because there’s more spoilers. But I can only imagine that this incident plus the events that took place afterwords only made his mental state that much worse. I can’t even imagine how bad it all must have been for him….

If Endeavor had just been there the whole time for his son & loved him for who he was and not just for his damn quirk, this would have not have ended up happening. For Endeavor it was just a matter of his son supplying him with what he wanted. We saw that with how he treated Shoto too. And he tossed his other children aside as rejects also, which is just so wonderful 🙃…. Touya was a different situation because he was cherished at first and then he was just thrown out like he was nothing. All of these children went through severe trauma but I believe this action towards Touya is particularly damaging. (It’s also interesting with Shoto because he was physically, mentally & verbally abused but also praised for being strong. This was also very damaging, but obviously brought a different outcome with it)

I don’t think Dabi’s actions are right in any way. He has done terrible and unforgivable things and he is not a good person in any way, shape or form. But you have to understand where it all stems from. And I can’t help but feel bad for him. I also really like him. He’s definitely a problematic fave of mine (I really like the other LOV characters too, for both similar and different reasons) To sum everything up, Endeavor was an awful father and husband. He has a huge mess to clean up that was caused by his actions as a father (and inactions) And although I find it hard to like his character, I’m glad that he is actually trying to atone for what he has done. That’s more than what most parents do. But like Dabi said… You reap what you sow…. :/

[justwonder113]

Halu! Saw your post, and I'm looking forward for your future works. Can I request a Dad! haikyuu scenarios? Cause I'm really into that. When he and his pregnant s/o, went to the hospital for feral ultrasound. And the obstetricians revealed there’s 3 heartbeats. Which mean, they are having triplets. I wanna know their reactions so bad 😂 When I think of triplets, I'm thinking those character who most probably have strong genes. (Bokuto, Osamu, Atsumu and maybe, Ushijima?)

Oh my god this is such an adorable scenario. Ngl I keep reminding myself that I'm too young to have kids now (not that I have a bf or anything lol). Thank you very much for requesting, I really hope you will like it.

Hearing that you're going to have triplets

includes: Bokuto Koutaro, Miya Osamu, Miya Atsumu and Ushijima Wakatoshi.

Bokuto Koutaro

Honestly you were so thankful that you had Bokuto with you, he was the most amazing partner you could ask for. Always supportive and kind, never failing to make you feel deeply appreciated and loved.

Especially since he found out you were pregnant. The man was over the moon! You hadn't even finished the sentence he already had you in his arms spinning you around while proclaiming how happy he was.  You felt silly that you were even worried about his reaction. You had never seen him more happy. 

You just knew he would be the most amazing father.

He was always with you and helped you with whatever he could, say goodbye to even holding stuff. Cleaning and sometimes even cooking were immediately off your shoulders. And whenever you tried to tell him that you were more than capable of doing stuff he immediately shushed you saying that he was more than happy to help.

 He didn't know much about pregnancy, tho he read everything with you and listened to you whenever you explained things to him, he just wanted to support you.

I see that he would also change his diet for you. It's important for pregnant women to have a healthy lifestyle during pregnancy. So when he saw that you tried to cut off junk food and other unhealthy food he immediately gave up on them too. If you stopped drinking coffee he would stop to, everything to support you.

When you told him that you had to go to ultrasound to make sure everything was right he immediately called and took a day off. You were so thankful for it, you told him that you could go alone but honestly you were terrified, this was your first pregnancy. You read almost everything and asked so many questions too and did everything you were told, but you were still beyond terrified on what the doctor would say, so having him around was really a big deal.

Especially when you noticed slight furrow on doctor's face. Your grip immediately tightened around his hand. Your mind immediately went to most terrible stuff in seconds, it didn't even cross your mind that you might be having triplets. You wanted to ask what was happening, but you didn't have courage, thankfully Bokuto got the clue and asked what was going on." I had to make sure, congratulations, you will be having triplets, I can hear three completely healthy heartbeats." The doctor beamed at you." Three heartbeats... Triplets..., oh my god Kou we're having triplets!" you couldn't believe your ears, heck you didn't even know what you were even feeling. You were thrilled yes but at the same time... Being mother of one kid seemed already hard, but triplets? Would you do a good job? What about Kou? Was he happy with the news?

You returned to reality after you felt two strong arms wrap around you tightly. Bokuto was beaming like crazy." Oh my god Y/N! We're having triplets!" He cheered loudly, startling both you and the doctor. "That's so amazing! We would have like half of a volleyball team! That's so cool! I never even thought we could have triplets, thank you so much, you really make me happiest!" He kept rambling on and on, pressing millions of kisses on top of your head. You never even realized when you started crying… "You're happy?" You asked quietly, almost a whisper."I'm beyond thrilled baby, this is going to be awesome! Don't worry about anything, we're going to do great you hear me!" He immediately assured you and planted another kiss on your head making you giggle as well. He was right as long you had each other you were not afraid of anything. You would do amazing!

Osamu Miya

I feel like he would be the most amazing husband. Really doting and caring.

Would also really try to help you with everything he could. Both around the house and with whatever you needed. Just imagine being able to taste Samu's cooking every day. (And I just know he would try and come up with new recipes just so he would keep things interesting for you, like you hate some food, and it's hella healthy and is good for pregnancy, you bet your butt he would try and come up with a recipe, so you could eat it that way and not gag. Alsosatisfying your cravings with his cooking would be like a challenge for him, he would be excited to try out new things.)

I think that after you told him the news that you were pregnant he knew that he had to change things. Like he already felt bad when he worked all this long days at his restaurant leading to sometimes neglecting you. He was thinking to hire an assistant, but was reluctant because he didn't think they would do as good of a job as him. But when you told him the news all the hesitation went through the window. Like hell, he was going to leave you alone, especially now that you were pregnant.

You were glad you could spend more time with your husband still you felt guilty because you knew how much his restaurant meant to him, and sometimes you couldn't help but think you were interfering with it. Osamu reassured you million times that it definitely wasn't like that and that he was beyond happy that you were going to be parents even thought you weren't planning it just yet. He never failed to show you how appreciated and loved you were but the thoughts still lingered.

When doctor told you the news you felt your breath hitch. Osamu's grip on your hand tightened. You wanted to look at him for reactions, but you couldn't force yourself. 

You were terrified. What if he wasn't happy, what if he didn't want so many children. Your mind felt like a thread mill, you didn't even notice when the doctor left the room to give you two few minutes. You had your chaos going on in your brain. What if...

your chain of thoughts were interrupted when you felt the pair of lips clash against yours. You let out a startled  noise but returned it. Osamu cupped your cheeks, and rested his forehead against yours.

"Sorry for startling you love."He said and pinched your cheek playfully, giving you a heartfelt smile. "I'm so happy, I don't know what to say." He gave you another peck making you smile. "Three kids! This is going to be amazing love! And I bet your cute butt Tsumu's going to be so jealous!" He snickered and planted yet another kiss on our face. "You have no idea how happy you make me! You're the most amazing thing that has happend to me." The last comment made you crack and you let out all your emotions. Motherhood really scared you especially now that you knew you were going to become a mother of three. But still, you have never felt happier. What more could you ask for? You had the most loving husband and you would have three most amazing children.

"Thank you Samu..." You couldn't even stop your tears now, but you were grinning from ear to ear and Samu was returning the smile.

"No, thank you Y/n. Thank you for being in my life! You're everything I could ever ask for and so much more more. I know you're scared and so am I but we're going to do amazing you got me? Don’t worry your pretty head about anything"  He reassured, you nodded and kissed him passionately, your hands rubbing away his tears. "That's my girl. Come on let's rub it in on Tsumu's face!" He grinned mischievously, making you giggle. 

 He was right you two were going to do amazing, you just couldn't help but wait until you could hold your kiddos in your hands.

Atsumu Miya

If you thought that Atsumu was clingy before you should have seen him now that he heard you were pregnant. He was basically glued to your side.

Not gonna lie the man probably cried when he heard that you were pregnant. And you felt silly that you were worried about his reaction to begin with.

He would try his best to help you with everything, but for the love of god don't let him near the kitchen. (I think out of these four characters he is the worse cook. I headcanon that Osamu learned how to cook because Atsumu couldn't cook at all and it was pretty much pointless to turn to him when he was hungry and there was no food at home, and I'm pretty sure he caused a kitchen fire at least once.)

Really supportive and tries to do everything for you, at some point you really have to make him stop because you can hold your own purce. I can clearly imagine him carrying everything for you, whispering reassuring things and proclamations of love whenever he can.

 And don't let me started about him showing you off. One would think that his amazing pregnant wifey is the only thing that he talkes about. All his social media would be filled with pictures of you too. Just imagine having all those cute photo sessions with him!!! ( Yes I have a baby fever now)

"Congratulations, I hear three completely healthy heartbeats. You're going to have triplets!" The elderly woman announced to you with a warm smile. You just stared at her dumbfounded cuz like 3?  You would have 3 little Atsumus walking all over your house?

Before  you could even react your husband engulfed you in the biggest hug ever, almost knocking you out of the chair. "Oh my god, baby we're going to have triplets it's so amazing! We're going to have three kids! This is so cool!”He gasped as he realized something. “Soon we could have like our own volleyball team! Oh my god, Samu's going to be so jealous. As long as we're out I'm going to rub it in his ugly face!" Let's say you had to drag your hyperactive husband out of the doctor's office after he also almost tacked her too thanking her for the news.

He just wouldn't stop rambling how much he loved you and how thankful he was to have you in his life. And let's say in a matter of minutes everyone knew you two were going to have triplets.

Also let's just say that at some point you really had to shut him up with kisses, because as much as you love him and felt happy he was this amazed, it was still 3 am, and you wanted to sleep

You sure as hell scored yourself one heck of an amazing family.

Ushijima Wakatoshi

Precious baby!!!

He was so happy when you announced him your pregnancy! He spend whole night hugging your belly whispering all the sweet stuff and how he couldn't wait to meet your kid, and how he would teach them everything he knew. You couldn't stop your tears it was such a happy sight.

I just imagine him being on his tippy toes whenever he's around you, bacause he's so large and strong he's fraid he's going to hurt you or the baby.

Also have I said that he would do anything for you? You would be like "Toshi..." And he's like "on it!" No matter which weird craving you have he would bring you everything without a single thought. Your wishes are his top priority.

He would also read books about pregnancy, just so can he know what's happening, and he would also ask you questions so he can understand everything better.

He would also help with your healthy diet, he would bring you all kinds of stuff saying "I heard it's good for pregnant women." (He's such a sweetheart I can't.)

He would also give best massages whenever you feel sore or tired. Anything to make you feel comfortable.

I think that his love language is through acts of service and trust me when I say this, he makes sure you feel loved and appreciated every day.

When the doctor told you the news he gave you the sweetest and warmest smile, immediately washing away all your possible worries. He grabbed your hands and littered them with softest kisses. Muttering to you how happy he was, how he loved you and how much he coudln't wait until they were born with tears on his eyes.

Let's say the doctor had to give you few minutes to yourself because now you were a sobbing mess and were clingling to your husband like your life depended on it. You were just so happy!

The same night he would bring you all sorts of magazines and would help you choose whatever you needed just so the triplets could have the cutest nurcery. (He let you choose anything, he just made comments then and there as he had you in his lap all cutely, snuggled against his chest. His warm hands securely on your belly, softest smile on is face.)

So this is it, I really hope you like it, this was my first time writing headcannons like this; Sorry if it has any mistakes, English is my second language and I still make mistakes. if you have any other requests don't hesitate to ask, I will be glad to write them^^

[traumasurvivorshelpingsurvivors]

tw neglect, maybe ableism?

My parents didn't really keep much of an eye on my growing up unless there were other people involved. That's related to a whole other can of worms (to very briefly touch upon it: my mother believes the "more I spend time with other humans the more they'll corrupt my soul" so.. ?? Side effect of that is that my mother never really taught me how to behave besides listening to orders. She did eventually get me to stop biting people though so there is that lmao)

At our house we were really close to a forest and until we moved when I was around 14 I spent all the time I physically could in the forest. I was never allowed a phone but I did get a watch so I could get home in time, but past that my parents never checked up on me or anything.

Whenever we had pets (usually, there was a year or two when we didn't though) my parents always called the animals my siblings and other than school (I was bullied and left alone so much I often went days or even weeks without saying a single word) usually the only "people" I socialized with was animals. So most of my social skills I picked up from animals (my parents didn't believe in community or clubs or children's tv so other than watching murder mysteries the only TV I saw was documentaries and usually ones about animals).

My parents also never helped with homework or played with me (idk if that's a thing parents do though lol). I spent most of my time alone (never was good at making friends and we were weirdly never in neighbourhoods with other kids?). So like I was and still kinda am really used to only spending time with animals and not really humans.

Since I was 6 or 7 I made my own breakfast and lunch, packed my own food for school, did my own laundry, taught myself how to make toys via origami, learned how to (badly) mend clothes through stealing string and tying it through holes, entertained myself etc. I consider it pretty normal since I'm used to it, but it's made me a bit... odd.

And other people very much pick up on this and I've gotten comments a lot of my life about it. I might be autistic I'm not sure, but I really struggle with picking up social cues. This paired with pretty much being alone most of the time makes me act odd enough that it makes other people uncomfortable.

I've gotten yelled at, insulted, called names, etc because of this (my parents call me creature, different animals, horror monsters sometimes, and make jokes like that) and IDK what to do but mostly I wanted to ask about a certain thing? I have a single friend and she'll say things like "you always sound like you came from the forest" or "I forget you're not some sort of forest creature" but like, comparing me to fantasy creatures or animals.

Usually it's pretty joke-y, but sometimes it gets tiring too because like I get my life experiences aren't mainstream common but even when I'm trying my best to fit in I still get called non-human. I know my friend doesn't mean it as insults but sometimes I wonder if I'll be doomed to always give off the vibe of "not fully human". Usually I don't mind it (for a while as a kid I embraced it lol) but sometimes it kinda gets to me.

I guess it's because I feel like I've had to "tame" myself to fit into society better but I've never even managed to fit in/not be bullied no matter how hard I try and now I struggle to embrace the wilder freedom I used to have. Part of it is trust issues so I rarely feel safe enough to act more like myself, but also I'm aware that I act too animal-like if I'm comfortable around people and that makes them uncomfortable :(.

sorry idk where I'm going with this but sighhh. I wish there were people like me I could hang out it, it would make everything so much easier. IDK why I struggle so much with acting more like a regular human but it just doesn't come naturally to me -_-

Hi anon,

I'm sorry to hear about what you've been through.

It's true that there are a lot of horrible humans out there and so perhaps your mom is coming at it from a traumatized angle, but we are naturally social creatures so being around other human beings is essential to our development, especially filling our lives with positive experiences with other humans.

It is normal for parents to play with their children and help them with their homework. My parents and my friends' parents did that as well. It's also essential for a child's development to be involved in their lives, engaging in play and helping them learn.

On one hand, it's good to have some independence and doing things yourself, but at the ages of 6 and 7, your parents should be packing your lunch, doing your laundry, and the other things you mentioned.

Being dehumanized or called non-human was also my experience as an autistic. I always described myself as an alien that was beamed down to this planet to absorb human traits from scratch (in reality, we all do this, just at different times). I think the way you were raised plays a major factor into your behavior and mannerisms, but there's nothing wrong with you. Even if it turns out that you are autistic or neurodivergent in some way, there's still nothing wrong with you. Society has their preconceived notions of how a human is supposed to behave or present, and obviously not everyone meets that standard. That's okay.

Unfortunately, bullies will bully you no matter what you try, because bullies have inherently taken a role in which they will never support you. But you don't need their support or validation. Their hatred is worthless because it's overabundant.

Society has a skewed idea of what makes a human a human. You are still a human being, even if some people have stricter definitions. You still deserve respect, and space, and a voice, and everything that is a human being's right.

You deserve to live authentically without having to conform to societal standards (unmasking). If someone is uncomfortable with how you are naturally, that's their funeral. If they can't get past that, then they don't deserve you. There are plenty of understanding people out there waiting to be your friend.

I hope I could help. Please let us know if you need anything.

-Bun

[bibbykins]

Vulnerable in The Dead of Night (M)

I wrote this QUICK, so if it’s bad, I’m so sorry, but I just wanted to get this out ASAP, so I hope you like it! Also, pls feel free to give me your thoughts or ask any questions, I love to answer them!

NOTE: This is part of The Household’s Bunny series, which I recommend you read before this bc otherwise, it may not make sense.

Summary: Taehyung finds himself consumed with self-loathing and crushing loneliness. You find Taehyung standing alone in the kitchen late at night, happy to see him again for the first time in weeks. The usually playful and flirty man is left with his feelings when faced with you in the dead of night.

Genre: Soft Yandere! Taehyung x Chubby! Reader

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: 18+, soft yandere tendencies, obsessive/possessive thoughts, crying, loneliness, self-loathing, abandonment issue, adopted person feeling unworthy of love, kissing, hickeys, cunnilingus, precum, blowjob, swallowing, dom/sub dynamics, dirty talk, this is a yandere fic so unhealthy relationships are throughout this series

Taehyung felt like he was losing his mind, and maybe he was. What could he be doing wrong? How can you not know how he feels? How can Jimin get his point across better than him? 

Do you not like him?

His pacing in the kitchen ceased at this thought. 

No.

Surely, no. You liked him, right? You told him you did.

Although, that was before he and Namjoon had basically disappeared from your life these last two weeks. Is he that replaceable? 

The nagging insecurity of his childhood crept up. Flashes of tears, isolation, and craving for love tugged at his mind. He shook his head. He wasn't a 6 year old watching his father leave him. He wasn't a 14 year old in a foster home. He just wasn't that 17 year old in a new home, trying to adapt. That wasn't him anymore. Taehyung was loved now, by many. So why not by you? 

He blew out a shaky breath before finishing his glass of room temperature water. He was still dressed in his suit, having just gotten home from the final session of the blasted weeks-long project that kept him from you. His tie was more suffocating than ever but could not find a reason he deserved to undo it.

Too enraptured in his own thoughts, he didn't hear the soft pad of slippers downstairs or the tiny pants of regaining your breath from the nine flights you just went down in the dead of night, "Tae?" Your breathy voice sliced through the chaos in his mind and he let out a breathy chuckle, thinking he was going insane, hallucinating your voice.

Truly, he felt useless. He felt sub-human. He felt every piece of shit adult who turned his back on him must be justified if this was the best he could do. If a smokescreen of lovability with no love was his peak. If being alone with only hallucinations was the closest he could get to companionship-

He nearly choked on his water when he felt arms wrap tightly around his midsection, "Tae, you're home!" Your voice cleared the cloud of self-loathing and he looked down to see your half manicured nails, most of the polish chipped off. He slowly placed his hands on yours and was relieved to find you weren't a hallucination, "I missed you." He could feel your mouth moving against his suit jacket as you squeezed him a bit harder.

He let his eyes close as he relished in the feeling of you nuzzling into him, missing him. 

Worried when he said nothing, you moved to detach yourself but he held your hands firmly, "Tae?" You questioned only for him to hum lightly.

"I missed you so much, little lamb." His voice was soft, the softest you'd ever heard it as his thumb stroked your palm, "I didn't know you missed me." His voice held a fondness you had never heard from him before. Usually, his tone was light and playful but now, he was almost melancholic.

Did he genuinely feel that way? The panic of one of the men you found yourself falling for each day thinking you didn't like him as much as you did take over and you moved for you both to face each other. Tae merely blinked before you were in front of him, hands holding his face, not searching in his eyes but looking to express something with yours, "Of course I missed you." You pouted, "You all mean the world to me." 

He searched for any sign of a lie. He'd seen it time and time again from people in the entertainment industry, but with you, it was nothing but pure honesty, "Little lamb." He commanded your attention even though he already had it as you let your hands settle on each of his shoulders, "You mean that?" 

"I would never lie to you." You didn't miss a beat before looking at him further, realizing he is not acting like he usually does, "Are you okay?" You asked lightly, eyes traveling over his form, hands working to undo his tie as you've done before when he asked you to help him, "Oh gosh, that must feel so suffocating this late at night." You mumbled and undid two of his top buttons. He grabbed your hands as you worked at the second button, making you look up.

"Do you wanna know how I feel, baby?" He asked, eyes a little darker now as he drank in your form, wearing a mere long shirt that reached the middle of your thighs with no shorts in sight. You nodded and his grip on you tightened but wasn't painful, "Jealous." He rasped and you looked up, confused, "Jealous that you don't cum for me or crave me like you do everyone else." His voice was strained despite neglecting Namjoon's own lack of experience with you.

You blinked, "I mean if you want sex, that's okay." He let go of your hands, one of his hands moving to grip your hip as the other cupped your face, stroking your cheek with his thumb, "But you know that sex is just that, I mean, I like closeness and it makes me feel good, so I do it. But I also know that being sexually attracted to me doesn't mean you want me as your partner- oh!" He cut you off by pressing you roughly against the wall, his hand now cradling the back of your head to prevent you from getting hurt.

His gaze burned into you and you averted your eyes but the hand behind your head went to grip your chin, forcing your gaze to meet his own, and what a fierce gaze it was, "Who made you think that?" He snapped and continued when you struggled to respond, "Who convinced you that you're not just as worthy of pleasure as you are intimacy? Love? Companionship?" 

You were dumbstruck. Part of you wanted to ask how long he had because you had a list. You remembered every person who made you feel that way whereas they surely forgot you moments after you either did or didn't succumb to their desires. Instead, your eyes began to water, "Why are you…?" You forced out, blinking back your tears, "I don't...I don't understand." You shook your head.

"I don't want to fuck you so bad just because you're the sexiest woman I've ever seen." Your breath hitched and your mind couldn't properly process his words, "I crave you." He breathed, leaning down, "I've been agonizing over how to come to terms with the fact that I feel so fucking strongly for someone who has no obligation to feel the same." Before you could even respond, he placed his mouth on yours in a bruising kiss.

You responded immediately, trying your best to convey your feelings in this sloppy kiss, tongues intertwined as you needily moaned when his hand wrapped your leg around him, but he didn't grind into you, he just pulled your closer. The kissing lessened in urgency and increased in passion as he gripped you with a near bruising force, "Tae…" You groaned into his mouth and found yourself nearly crying. You held him closer and he squeezed you to him.

"Yes, baby?" He moved to kiss lightly at the corner of your mouth, mouth moving to. kiss at your tears. He didn't need to ask you why you were crying. He knew. He felt it too. He felt the relief that came with being held close, being kissed, and is wanted as much as another wants you.

"Do you mean it?" You asked, crying more now, "You…"

"I feel so strongly for you." He affirmed and you shook your head, having a hard time believing him, "And that's so frightening because you could just leave and I..." He breathed shakily, head tucked into your neck, "I don't know how everyone else is holding it together when I know they feel the same-"

"I do too." You had to say it before you wouldn't, "All of you, I do." You sniffled, "But I can't find a reason why you guys would feel anything for me too." Your voice was breaking and he just crushed you to him further, "And I don't know if they feel that way, and-" You cried further, "I-I need to go to bed, I need to-" You tried to pull away from his crushing embrace to no avail. 

You whined a bit at this. Your mind was scattered, and you didn't know what to do. There was so much going on yet nothing going on at all. You received a confession and so did he and yet, everything felt so complicated. The doubt of anyone wanting to be with you strangled your very being and made you want to stay in your room and never think about it again. Live alone in mediocrity and loneliness.

"Promise me you're not scared." His words were demanding but his tone was pleading, "I...I know it's a lot and I know I never act like this, but just, don't avoid it, don't avoid me." He sniffled and you relaxed, "The fact of the matter is, we feel the same about each other, the rest will come in time." He was regaining his composure and slowly you began to calm down. He was right. It was just you and him. Everyone else is at bay, they will get their time. You don't have to wake everyone up to know their feelings. You have time, "I know Jimin said his piece to you too, and we're not going anywhere, so please, don't go." His voice was stable again as he tucked in the scared and lonely little boy that haunts him sometimes and set his mind straight.

You nodded against him, honest and understanding of his words. You were nervous, sure, but only time would tell. If you run, you break your heart. But if you stay, you could either get your heart broken or get everything you want. It's a risk that you don't know how to calculate, but it's a risk you're willing to take. Maybe Taehyung is right and everyone feels the same about you in a way you could only dream. Just maybe.

He lets you go and you look at him, flawless as ever. His face was minorly red, tears minuscule and long gone by now, "We should go to bed." You murmured as Taehyung reached up to wipe away the stray tears on your cheeks and he nodded. 

He held your hand as he pressed the elevator button, lightly scolding you for taking nine flights of stairs in slippers with no traction, "Wow, you tell me you tell me you like me and now I'm getting chewed out." You giggled, the feeling of someone fussing over your safety was quite refreshing.

He looked at you incredulously, "If you fell or hurt yourself, all hell would break loose." He chided and you hummed.

You broke out into a goofy smile, "You like me." You giggled and the man next to you gave you a side-eyed glare before giving up on containing his own smile.

"Yeah well," He paused for a moment, smiling to himself, "You like me back." He chuckled and you felt your face heat up. 

He squeezed your hand and you watched the floors tick up to your own, "Tae?"

"Yes?" He asked, noticing your voice got quieter, more unsure. 

"Do you have anything to do tomorrow or do you want to stay with me tonight?" You forced out, nervous he would say no. 

Little did you see, he broke out into a cheerful smile and thanked his lucky stars before responding coolly, "I'd be honored to stay with you tonight." 

The elevator dinged just in time and you held his hand all the way to your bedroom before finally standing to face him. You studied his face for the nth time tonight. He was still beautiful each time and the moonlight only further deified his beauty further, "You're all so beautiful." You mused, reaching up to place a soft kiss on his lips.

"And all yours." He breathed.

You scoffed, "Sounds impossible." 

"Start believing, my darling." His voice was as smooth and deep as ever and you looked into his eyes and found an emotion you'd never seen before. 

Maybe you could do this. Maybe Taehyung was right and all 7 of them felt the same. Maybe you were deserving of sex and love.

And quite possibly it was your own resignation of maybe of the whole situation that made you reach up and push his suit jacket off of his shoulders. Confused, he still shrugged off the jacket, letting it fall to the floor. You reached up and began undoing the third button on his shirt. With more of his chest exposed you reached your hands up and feel the exposed skin of his chest softly, "Baby, what are you- fuck!" You cut him off, leaning up to suck onto his neck harshly before licking the spot. Your breath hit his neck, "You have got to be careful or I may not be able to control myself." You merely smiled before licking a stripe along the column of his throat and you could feel the vibration of his groan against your tongue before kissing along his jaw, "I don't want you to think I just confessed to you so I could come up here and-" He cut himself off with a strangled growl as you shifted your leg up for your thigh to brush against his erection.

"I like how cumming feels knowing you're still going to like me the next day." You spoke honestly and Taehyung wanted to find every person who didn't make you feel that way, "Unless you don't want to do anything, which is fine." You nuzzled into his neck, "I just, want to be close to you in more ways than one." 

He pulled back to look at you properly and found no doubt in your eyes. With Jimin, sexual acts had been a show of emotions. Now that you thought about it, even what happened with Yoongi and Jin felt like something different than what you were used to. In each sexual encounter, there was a level of care, making it feel so alien. Even with Jungkook and Hoseok, there was something there that you didn't know, intimacy. And yet, it felt so good.

Nevertheless, he asked, "Are you sure?" You nodded and he smiled, head dipping down to kiss you deeply. You continued your work on the buttons of his shirt while your tongues felt each other. Your hands went to his belt, undoing the Italian leather before you pulled away from his mouth and began kissing down his neck and his hands intertwined with your hair, "Baby, you don't have to make me cum." He breathed and you sucked at his neck to protest.

"I want to feel you in my mouth." You whined, hand reaching into the pants you unbuttoned to grip his dick over his briefs, "Please?" 

He nodded, eyes heavy, unsure how he could ever say no to you in the first place, "On the bed though, I don’t want you to hurt your knees." His voice was soft and you giggled at his wholesome request but nodded anyway.

You sat on the bed as he rid himself of his mostly taken-off clothing. You both tangled into each other as he kissed while he laid over you on your bed. You lightly pushed him to flip over so you were on top of him, legs straddling his hips. His hands glided over your thighs, squishing the skin gleefully as you continued peppering kissing down his chest, pressing your core into his bare erection, making you let out a needy moan, “You’re so hard.” You whispered, mouth sliding down his body.

Before you knew it, you reached his dick and of course, it was pretty. You wrapped your hands around the base and he sucked in a breath through his teeth before you licked at the precum at the tip before taking as much of him as you could in your mouth and he let out the most delicious grunt,” So good to me, my little lamb.” He praised you in a gravelly voice and you felt yourself get wetter as his hands curled into your hair, “Fuck, just like that.” He groaned as you hollowed your cheeks and sucked him further. The dark room was filled with sounds of you drooling all over his erection as he praised you and was very vocal with his pleasure. The praise made you moan against his dick in delight, “My little lamb likes to be praised, huh?” He cooed, voice strained and breath heavy as you nodded, never letting his length escape your lips, “So perfect for me, aren’t you?” You hummed in delight as he threw his head back, fingers tensing in your hair as he did his best to not pull it or push your head down. However, determined to please, you guided his hand to push you further, nodding to let him know it was okay. He was gentle as he guided your head, his other hand intertwining with yours as a sweet gesture. You bobbed rhythmically and you could hear his noises becoming less and less controlled, “Fuck, I’m getting close.” He warned and you responded with a strong suck that made his hips lift off the bed, “Where do you want me to cum?” He asked urgently and you answered by looking up at him through your lashes with a look way too innocent for someone about to drink down his cum. It was that look that sent him over the edge and you felt him cum in your mouth. You drank him dry before letting his dick go with a resounding pop.

“Did I do well?” You asked and, his hand still in your hair, pulled you to him as he nodded before planting a sweet kiss on your lips.

“Perfect, baby, perfect.” He was breathless but still intent on kissing you deeply as he sat up, hands going to your thighs to grip the hem of your shirt, “Can I taste you, little lamb?” He asked and you nodded.

“Please.” You whined as he kissed your throat, going over the hickeys you had from the other me in the house, all of them mostly faded except for the one Jimin gave you. He lifted the shirt, only detaching from marking you to strip you of your clothing. He laid you down as he slipped your panties off, groaning at how you were glistening.

“You this wet for me, sweetheart?” He spoke huskily and you hummed desperately as his finger slid from your clit to your drenched hole slowly, “I really wanted to go slow, but fuck,” His finger slid in with little resistance much to his delight, “You’re just so ready for me, aren’t you?” You nodded, panting as his finger fucked slowly into you and he raised a brow, expecting you to be verbal.

“Yes, yes, I’m ready Sir, please.” You gasped out, fighting the urge to wiggle your hips as you confirmed with the honorific you trusted him enough to give yourself fully.

“Just because you’ve been so sweet to me,” He leaned down, breath fanning over your drenched core, “I won’t make you beg this time.” He kissed your clit, making you twitch before his tongue licked a stripe from your clenching hole to your clit, making you gasp, “You taste so fucking good, no wonder Jin and Yoongi were so smug for days.” He rasped and felt you clench around him further, “Oh?” He chuckled darkly as his tongue flicked your clit, “You like when I talk about the others? You wish they were here watching you squirm around my finger?” You writhed in delight as he slid another finger in, “You wish they were here helping me get you off so pretty, holding you down so you’ll be still like a good girl?” He teased you and it only soaked his fingers and tongue further as he slurped you intently. Taehyung had been waiting what felt like his whole life to have you come apart in his clutch and feel your sweet cum on his tongue.

He tasted you intently, fucking into you a little quicker as he let you squirm around him. He would be lenient and kind this time around, because of both of your desperations and tearful confessions. There was so much to feel and so much to taste, and he just wanted to have you crumble in his clutch. You were well on your way to be his, theirs, and he would be yours in return. He wanted to channel his hunger for you as he moaned into your pussy. You were already getting off by making him cum and now, you were unsure how long you would last if he kept flexing his tongue and running it over your clit as he curled his fingers in your cunt, hitting a particularly sensitive spot that made your back arch off the bed.

He murmured dirty and sweet nothings into your pussy as you clutched the sheets with a death grip, doing your best to not push his head into your core. You wanted him to have total control over your body and pleasure in this moment, “You’re getting close.” He cooed teasingly and you nodded, spurring him to take his fingers out.

You cried out as he chuckled, sucking your juices from the two fingers, “Please, I wanna cum, please, please!” You whimpered, pushing your hips up as he let his fingers go from his mouth.

“Shit, you’re so fucking cute.” He groaned, hands pinning your hips to the bed as you squirmed, “I’ll make you cum, baby, don’t worry.” He kissed at your clit, eliciting a desperate cry, “You just have to be really good for me and cum while I fuck you with my tongue.” He licked at your hole as you nodded eagerly, “Can you be good for me and do that?” His voice was dripping with lust.

“Yes, Sir, I can, I will, please!” You babbled, having been so close to cumming just moments ago.

You calling him Sir made his teasing nature disappear as he slid his tongue into you with a groan on his end and with you nearly screaming as he fucked into you. He moved inside of you as your walls fluttered, slowly clenching more and more as you could feel your high coming. It was when his hand went to rub quick circles onto your clit that you came with a strangled moan.

His tongue fucked you through your high and he only pulled away when your back settled back onto the bed and you were trying to catch your breath. He kissed your stomach before going to put on his briefs as he slid your panties back on. He hovered over you, placing a quick kiss on your mouth as you wrapped your arms around him, humming in bliss, “You’re such a good girl.” You keened at his praise as he placed a kiss on your cheek before rolling over to pull you in his arms, holding you tight.

“Now you get to be smug.”You giggled tiredly, eyes closing as you listened to his heartbeat.  

He chuckled, equally tired as he kissed the crown of your head, “I already am.” He mused, “Goodnight, little lamb.” His voice was soft and sweet as you could only muster another blissful hum.

Now, you were starting to understand what was so different about all of your sexual, or near-sexual, interactions with almost everyone. It was the emotion in it. 

You’ve had people say they liked you, get what they want, and then never see you again. However, the guys, barring Tae and Jimin, hadn’t said they liked you, but they tried to communicate it. They held you close, they stayed to cuddle with you after. There was care in the way they touched your body and it was liberating. It was frightening, the idea of getting used to something that could just go away one day, but nevertheless, you let your consciousness fade, knowing he would be there tomorrow morning.

Tip Jar

[princessofprocrastination]

The Waiting Game (Karl Jacobs)

MASTERLIST

summary : he tells you to wait, to be patient, which you follow, but until when can you wait while you watch him flirt with other girls on the internet?

it was simple really. you were just meant to wait. wait for him to be ready, as he called it. 

your friends would tell you that the only thing you’re waiting for is for him to choose you when no one else wants him, as a rebound. they tell you that you’re waiting for the day he stop trying to attract the attention of other women instead of you. 

they tell you that this won’t end, the waiting. they tell you that this was just his way of keeping you around. 

but you don’t believe them. and it’s simple why you didn’t. you love him. and love doesn’t budge. love makes people blind. 

so when he told you to wait, you did. because you loved him, you really did. 

at first, you two were friends. actually not even. you two simply knew each other’s names, no more than that. 

and then as you two progressed from knowing each other’s names to playing among us together with corpse, it was smooth sailing from there. 

you and corpse are close. you even know what he looks like, being this close for years now. and as usual like the protective boy best friend, when he found out that there was something more than just friends between you and karl, he made sure karl knew to not hurt you, or else. 

and it sure did shaken karl up, but that didn’t last long. the dating didn’t last long. it was a short time of bliss you wished you could feel again. but that’s not how time works. it moves forward.

months after months of what seemed to be dilly dally and wondering what each other’s feelings were, you confronted him. you told him that you thought it was time for your relationship to progress, that it was time to move forward together. 

and you thought he was feeling the same about that, you really did, that was the only reason why you felt confident enough to confront him, unlike other times. 

but it was different. it wasn’t what you expected. his answer wasn’t what you expected. 

he told you he wasn’t ready. he told you he needed time before you two could be more than what you were at that moment. you didn’t even know what you were at that point. 

but it made more sense when time went by. he wasn’t ready for a relationship yet, but he was too scared to tell you. 

“i’m just not ready to take the next step.” he told you. and you’d nod your head and tell him not to worry about it. 

“wait for me.” he’d tell you. and you reassured him tha t you would. and you did just that. you waited. 

one month go by, three, seven, ten months then. nothing. your relationship was stagnant. 

corpse would check in with you all the time, made sure you were healthy and that you were happy. and at first, you were. you told him everything. that karl wasn’t ready but you were willing to wait. 

and he praised you for being so patient, for waiting. but, he didn’t think you’d be waiting for over a year. 

sure, he did think it’d be more than six months, given that karl is busy with mr beast videos and his own. but he didn’t think it would be this long. 

but corpse never did say anything about it, not to karl, not to you. he would just listen every time you talked about it. he was happy that he could be there for you. but it broke his heart to see you like that. 

before anyone says the opposite, you and corpse have a strictly platonic relationship. you two were platonic soulmates, as people would say. and the both of you enjoyed the term. you thought it was adorable. 

furthermore, it made you and corpse happy that people weren’t doing unnecessary shipping between the two of you. 

back to the topic, corpse is a quiet man. he stays quiet, but he observes everyone’s moves. he can understand someone’s behaviour without knowing them for long. 

so when it came the time rae made an among us room, including him, karl and you, he wanted to observe karl’s behaviour. 

there were tiktokers on that server, to which was the icing on top of a cake for corpse, since he didn’t really fancy those ditzy people who made content on tiktok. 

you knew how much he disliked some people and made sure that he didn’t say things he doesn’t want the world to know, even though he feels like snapping. you were there to intervene when things went south. 

but something corpse noticed was that karl wasn’t really talking to you. aside from the greetings at the start of rae’s stream, you two didn’t talk very much. instead, he talked to the tiktoker, mostly the girls. 

this confused corpse. he needed to know if you were hiding something from him. something that you didn’t tell him. had karl and you decide to be just friends or was he not seeing something right here?

as both you and corpse are dead with nothing to do, corpse texts you, after sending you back a 8 ball game. 

are you not telling me something? he sent the message. 

? you sent back. you didn’t understand what he meant by that. 

he’s clearly flirting. he sends again. 

no he’s not. you send back. 

don’t lie to yourself. you two have barely spoke today. corpse sends one last text before the game restarts. 

i don’t know what’s going on. you sent back, deciding to be truthful to him. there’s no point in lying to your best friend. 

corpse sighs. he was scared of this. two of his best friends being stuck. 

but he knew what this was. you were stuck in the friendzone. stuck waiting. that was the truth he was scared of telling you. but you deserved that much, right?

you and corpse logged off your computers, now facetiming each other about what had happened. 

“i’m stuck waiting forever, aren’t i?” you asked, even though you knew the answer. you needed someone to be truthful to you and tell it to your face. 

corpse sighs, nodding his head to your not so question, question. 

“you know, i saw the tweets.” you spoke up after a while. 

“i saw him flirting with any girl he found an opportunity to flirt with.” you told him. 

corpse gave you a sympathetic smile. he saw them too, he just didn’t know how to talk about it.

“i’m not stupid, i can still see things clearly.” you said again. 

“i know you’re not.” corpse says. you sigh, putting your head in your arms as you tucked your legs, knees to your chest. 

“you’ve waited this long, what happens next?” corpse asks, genuinely curious. 

“we move on.” you told him. there you were. the fire spirited girl he knew for years. he knew no amount of water could put out the fire you had in your heart. 

he envied you. sure, you can be extremely naive at times, but when you weren’t, you listened to your heart, you let the spirit in you to guide you to make the right decision, to go through the right path. 

and now, the spirit in you was telling you to move on, to not keep waiting, that waiting could do more harm than good. 

karl was confused at first. usually, you’d text him, check in with him, make sure he’s okay. in the first couple days, he felt relieved that you weren’t butting into his life anymore. 

but then he felt like something was missing after a week, two weeks, months. he didn’t feel relieved anymore. well, not after seeing you with someone else. 

okay, maybe not someone else, dating wise, but close. 

you were getting close with sapnap, a fellow friend of karls. a fiance, even. it struck everyone that something was wrong, with you and karl not been interacting like usual, and now that you were close with nick, someone close to him. 

sure, there are theories, but no one ever came to a conclusion. they just thought you two had a falling apart, like people normally have. and even though people who shipped you two hard was upset, they had to accept it. 

but no, that wasn’t what hurt karl. it wasn’t that even his followers could see that you two aren’t talking. but it was the fact that people seem to like the fact that you and his nick were getting close. 

but he knew he had no right to be mad, to be angry. it was meant to be that way. with the way he was treating you, he knew it was bound to happen. 

he shouldn’t have neglected you in the first place. 

he failed to see how amazing of a person you were to him, you were always so patient. you were always so calm, never angry with him, never snapped at him for no reason. 

not like his exes. and yet he felt the need to push you away. 

he couldn’t even make up an excuse for what he did. he can’t even lie his way out of a confrontation from corpse. 

and all this guilt, all this acceptance that he was the one being a shitty person, yet he still had the nerve to be angry. 

heard you been talking to someone. karl texts his ‘fiance’

who and where have you been hearing this? nick texts back.

y/n, and the internet. they’re going nuts. karl texted, going straight to the point.

well, yeah. she’s amazing. but we’re not of anything, just talking. nick texts, now serious.

be careful. karl sends another text. 

?? nick sends.

she’s using you. like she did to me. karl types, and sends.

and no response back. the type bubbles came up once in a while, but died down, no text came through after. 

what did she do to you? nick finally answers his text after two days. he clearly was thinking about it.

made me buy her stuff, send her merch. karl texted his friend back. 

i did everything for her. and then she was just gone, never texted me back. karl continues. 

why didn’t you tell me sooner? nick asks.

didn’t know you two were talking. karl finishes, going off messages,off to the kitchen, to go make dinner for himself. 

nick was exasperated. he didn’t know how such an innocent, caring woman like you do that to him. how could he have not seen the signs? 

you never told him to do anything for you. instead, you always rejected any offers he made. 

is it because it’s too soon for you to ask him anything? did you only become close to him only to con him and hurt him in the end? 

he needed to believe his friend. you were no one to him for him to believe you, but he had been friends with karl for a while. 

but he needed to confront you. he hurt his friend and he won’t let you hurt him like you did to karl. 

call me, it’s urgent. was the text he sent to you. 

he’s never this serious, not even when he’s joking. and you knew him well enough to understand his behaviour, even when it’s just a simple text. 

but you did what he told you to do, called him. actually, you facetimed him, to make sure that you weren’t just being paranoid. 

“hi, we haven’t spoken in a while.” you said, tone cheery. you were genuinely excited to finally talk to him again, and not just text. 

“shut up.” he snapped, face hidden in his hands as he covered it, not in the right state of mind. 

your cheery look vanished from your face, at that point, you were just confused. had you done something? was this just a result of him having a bad day?

“what was your intention with me?” he said, but sounded more like a snarl. 

“w-what?” you stuttered, shocked at the tone he gave you. he has never not smiled at you, let alone risen his voice at you. 

“what you did to karl, were you going to do the same to me?” he squeaked out, almost crying. 

“i don’t know what you’re talking about, nick.” you tried. 

“DON’T SAY MY NAME.” nick screamed, to which you jumped in your seat, almost knocking off a candle on your side table. 

“just tell me. when were you going to make me do what you told him to do?” he said, now more quietly. 

“what did i do?” you asked, now tears brimming your eyes. 

“you used him, used his money. and you’re just waiting for the time to use me too.” he spat it out. 

“what? why would i do that?” you asked.

“because you are one good manipulator.” he said. 

“look, just because karl was syupid enough to listen to you, doesn’t mean i am. i’m thanking god he told me before you used me too.” he finished, before hanging up. 

you were more than confused. sad, enraged? you felt manipulated yourself. you have never told anyone to do anything for you, especially not karl. not when he was the one who neglected you. 

you didn’t feel used by him, no. you felt dirty, wronged that you waited that long, waiting for him to finally give you your deserved attention. and even after more than a year, he didn’t give you it. 

so why did he tell nick you used him? you didn’t think you were doing anything wrong, at least in your perspective. 

the more you thought about it, the more tears rolled down your cheek. 

“did i do something. i need it from a perspective of someone else.” you asked corpse during a facetime as you wailed silently. 

“no, you didn’t. you waited like a doll. you never went against what he told you to do. don’t blame yourself.” he told you. 

“so why did he tell him i was using him?” you cried out. 

“i really like him, corpse. i really do. i lost the chance now.” you said, exhausted from the crying all day. 

“i know you do. now, calm down before you become dehydrated.” he tells you. 

you just didn’t understand why karl would tell him such a thing. he didn’t want you then, he wouldn’t want you now. this wasn’t an act of jealousy. it couldn’t be. 

but you wanted to find out. 

it took you a while to calm down. you cried to sleep, cried when you woke up, cried when you were eating lunch. you really were on the verge of being dehydrated. 

but you stopped yourself. you caught yourself before you slipped down that spiral again. 

three months. that was how long it took you to finally stream again, to post on instagram again. 

and now, people were just even more confused. they made up stories about you. they thought there must be something wrong about you if you had two boys distant from you. 

so they talked bad about you. made up some absurd stories that other people believed. 

corpse was always there for you, though. he told them that they’re being stupid, that they believe everything that’s thrown to them on the internet. 

but the news never did die down. 

and at some point, you were over it. 

in between the three months, you made sure you resolved this. 

you texted nick every single day from the day he hung up on you. called him whenever you could. until he blocked you. you didn’t even think he read the messages, or opened your voicemails. 

so you did what you would do on impulse. rage. well, not really. you don’t have a temper, you never did. but you acted on impulse. 

you met him. you met karl. or shall you say, you showed up on his doorstep, while he was forced to hear what you had to say, what you had to do. 

“you came?” karl asked. opening his door to see you was not what he had expected. 

you came close to him. you almost saw him grin. you knew exactly what he thought about, and you weren’t going to satisfy him. 

you slapped him. hard across the face. hard enough his face was shoved to the side, as stumbled, balance gone. he obviously didn’t see that coming. 

“i waited and waited. waited like a scared little puppy.” you snarled through your teeth. 

“but you neglected me. you didn’t see me as your girlfriend, or a potential one. you saw me as a potential rebound. someone to still be there for you, to accept you after you got rejected from the girls you actually wanted.” you said in one breath. 

“and when i went away for a while, you missed me. not at first. you were relieved i was gone, and then you missed me. and then you heard i was talking to nick.” you cried out, now tears going down your face. 

you stopped to catch your breath, staring at him. or more like glaring at him, waiting for him to confess he did something. but he stared at you, mouth opening and closing like a fish. 

“you took away a whole year of my time, my undivided attention, my heart. you took so much away from me and now you’re selfish enough to take away someone i actually like for once?” you asked. 

“just because your life is miserable, doesn’t mean you can make mine miserable too” you finished saying. you glared at him once more before leaving his place, to get back home. 

in your journey home, corpse called you. he was doing what he always did, to check up on you. you told him everything, the slap, you told him every single word you told karl. 

it felt good for a while, to get it all out. but your heart, there was still a hole in it. and there was only one thing in the world to fill that. and you don’t think it’s possible to obtain.

when you came back after three months, karl and nick remained quiet. they didn’t say anything. 

and even though you came back, it didn’t mean you were healthy. you looked sickly, not having much sleep in the night. not much to eat either, hence the weight loss over the months. 

and people did notice this, it was hard to miss. 

but you tried to cover it up, with the large smiles and loud laughter. you did your best to distract people to ask you the question. 

to ask if you’re doing okay. 

the truth is, you’re not okay. your eyes felt heavy all the time, you lungs hurt like hell and you always felt exhausted, yet you couldn’t sleep. 

and you knew people noticed, you knew corpse noticed. he just didn’t want to push you. he was being cautious around you. he didn’t want you to break more than you already were. 

karl, on the other hand, he felt stressed out. the moment you left his house, all he could think about was you. and this time, he hadn’t mean that in the crush or love type of way. not anymore, at least. 

now, all he can think about was how stupid he was acting. he had no reason to lash out like that, especially when you had done nothing wrong to him. 

he had no right to be mad at you, let alone say it all to someone you truly liked. he remembered how devastated nick was when he told him all those lies. 

he needed to find a way to end this. he needed to redeem himself. he needed to make it up to you, make it up to nick. he didn’t want to 

i lied. karl texted nick.

immediately, he got a call from him. karl wasn’t ready for that, he didn’t expect him to be awake at this moment. 

“what do you mean?” nick asked. he didn’t think about the text seriously, just some minor thing karl may have said during the lore or something. 

“she didn’t use me.” karl answers.

silence. karl could see nick’s expression change from a not tense cheery face to a tense confusion one. karl felt concious of the bile in his throat now. 

“i made the story up. i didn’t want her to end up with you.” he continues. 

“what?” nick, now more confused. 

“i had no right, i know. but after a couple months, i realised she wasn’t waiting on me anymore, and i hated that, i’m sorry.” karl said. 

“she came by my house, slapped me and put me in my place. i know i have no right, nick, i’m sorry.” he finishes, waiting for nick to say something. 

“i really liked her, karl. why did you have to ruin that for me? she was one of a kind.” nick cried. 

“she really likes you, she told me. i hope you two make things right.” karl begged. 

“have you seen her dude, she looks miserable. you did that to her, i did that to her.” nick shouted, his tears never ending. 

“you didn’t, i did. and i am so sorry i did that. i didn’t mean it to go this far.” karl said. 

“this far? she looks exhausted, starving. she looks sick, karl. why the fuck would you do that to someone like her?” nick asked, now more exasperated. 

“i’m sorry, i really am sorry, nick.” karl starts to cry. 

“apologise to her, you fucking idiot. you ruined the one thing that was going right for me.” nick said before he hung up on karl. 

karl was devastated. he lost a friend, and last year, he had lost you. but you didn’t matter to him as much anymore, he wanted to see you with his friend. 

karl cared a lot about nick and he only wants what’s best for him. and if that means giving up on you, he’d do it. 

he didn’t know where he was going with hurting the both of you, anyways. it wasn’t like you were going to crawl to him when nick didn’t want you anymore. 

god, was he stupid. 

life was going well for you. well, if you could even say that. you lost a lot of weight, your eyes looked like death. but all is well, since you were still doing the things you love, making content. 

you were playing another round of among us, one of the last rounds of the day, having been played for almost three hours now. 

“damn, you are one good imposter.” toast commented, corpse agreeing. 

“learnt from the best.” you said, giving your webcam a wink before grinning and looking back onto your pc. 

“and who is that?” corpse says, teasingly, almost as if he was waiting for you to say him. 

“not you, that’s for sure.” you laughed as you said that. 

“brutal.” poki chimed. 

“it’s obviously me.” sykkuno tried. 

“nope, definitely me.” valkyrae added, arguing with them. you sat back on your chair, relaxing into it as you laughed at their petty arguments, trying to one up each other. 

“bro, twitter is crazy right now.” ludwig came out to say. 

when you heard that, your curiosity got the best of you. you went on twitter on your phone as you tried to multitask with reading your twitch chat, seeing if they knew anything about it. 

the whole world could then see how surprised you were to see your name trending first in america. you gave the camera a scared and concerned look before clicking on your name. 

you thought you had done something wrong, that it was your time to get cancelled. but you were wrong, so wrong. 

karl tweeted something about you?

you clicked on subtweets after subtweets to find the original tweet he sent out. you scrolled for a couple seconds before you found it. 

he apologised? for what? there was no way he was apologising for making me wait. that was so long ago, you barely remembered why you stayed on for so long. 

sapnap’s name is in the tweet. 

OH. 

it was because of the most recent thing. 

but how is it his fault? you read more of it. 

he talked about making you wait for him while he scouts for a new, better girl he felt best suited for him. he spoke about neglecting you and taking you for granted. 

and lastly, he talked about taking his best friend’s chance away from you using lies he made up, lies about him talking bad about you. 

you didn’t cry. you didn’t feel tears coming at all, if you were being honest. you were just confused. but the confusion turned to concern. why did he talk about it now, especially publicly? 

he wasn’t one to announce anything this big. he was being reckless, and you wanted to know why. 

“what the hell.” you spoke out loud this time. the vc felt too eerily quiet that it was starting to make you feel uncomfortable. 

‘it’s about fucking time he maned up.” corpse said out, laughing about the statement he made. 

“i am in shock.” you told your best friend and rest of them. you just had to sit there on your chair for a while, to process everything properly before you could say anything further. 

“you look like you would pass out any second.” toast pointed out, clearly watching your stream. you smiled at the comment. 

your discord pinged. someone sent you a message. you opened discord on your other monitor to avoid exposing yourself somehow, not knowing what the viewers are able to find out with little information. 

it was karl. he sent you a discord message. and you saw another from quackity, one of his best friends. you opened quackity’s. you wanted to avoid the question in matter for as long as you could. 

saw the tweet? he sent you a message.

yeah, i did. it was something. you typed back.

i did not expect that. careful opening karl’s text. he sent back.

got it. opening his now. you sent.

you sighed, composing yourself before you opened his message, but making it less obvious, knowing that you were still streaming. 

“one sec, guys. gotta do something.” you told them. they’d understand. you were sure that your views were going up because of this, anyways. 

i’m sorry, i really am. his message says.

why’d you do it? you asked, simply.

jealousy. realised i missed out on something good. he typed. you rolled your eyes. 

but that’s not the point. karl sends you another message. 

then what is? you asked again. you were tired and you wanted nothing more than this to end. 

you and nick are meant to be together. i was just selfish. i took the best thing to ever happen to him, away for him. let me make it better. please. he begged. 

you’ve already hurt me once. you typed and sent back. now sighing and going back to your stream to get ready to end it.

your phone rung. a facetime. it was corpse. without a doubt, you picked up your phone. 

“your life is a movie.” he laughed hard that you could feel the tummy ache forming. 

“shut up.” you rolled your eyes teasingly. 

you put down your phone, still facing you so corpse could see what you were doing while you ended the stream, apologising that the ending was different and not like the others. 

you picked up your phone to bring corpse along to your kitchen. you were feeling hungry from the long stream you had to sit through. 

you two were talking about the issue on hand at first, until you two finally found a different subject to talk about. you two kept talking and ranting on the phone, laughing most of the time for hours until you heard your door handle jiggle, someone trying to open your door. 

and then a knock. you became aware and started thinking about who could want to meet you at this time. you looked at your phone, at corpse’s face as he showed the same expression as you did. 

“dude, this is when i die.” you joked but half serious. 

“shut the fuck up and do not open the door.” he told you, obviously serious, not joking at all. 

“i am opening the door.” you told him. 

he look at you like you were the stupidest person on planet earth. 

“are you being fucking serious? no.” he told you. 

he was too late, you were already at your door handle. just one turn and you could open your house door. 

you opened it slowly, still aware of the danger that could be behind that door. 

but all the bad thoughts went out the window when you saw the person on your porch.

nick stepped up, to move closer to you, coming in your house. he did it all in a split second. he put one hand on your waist, the other on your neck, fingers on your cheek, not giving you time to speak, he put his lips on yours. 

you dropped your phone on impulse, putting your hands where it felt most appropriate, his neck. 

you could hear corpse screaming, wondering what was happening, if you were in any kind of danger. but you were so focused. 

“one more chance, is all i’m asking for. and i won’t take that chance for granted.” he told you, his forehead touching yours. you nodded. 

“best first meeting ever.” you whispered, more to yourself but you were sure nick could hear from the small laugh he let out. 

you were sure corpse almost called your state police at that point, if it weren’t for you picking up your phone after that. he had tears in his eyes, panicking. 

that’s the corpse you know and love.

worst and best day ever.